Have you ever felt like you were on your own in life? That life was letting you down? That you couldn't ask anyone for help? Everyone has probably experienced this at least once or more. But the beauty of this is realizing that you are the foundation yourself, and that fundamentally, you are indeed on your own. To most of us, this doesn't sound very encouraging and might well evoke feelings of fear, sadness, or resistance. Which is understandable, because wouldn't we all want to fall back on something or someone when we are struggling and just don't know what to do anymore? In the past, as a child, you could do that with your parents. But as you get older, you probably start to realize that they don't know everything either, that they too have their own problems and unresolved traumas. Unfortunately, some children have parents they cannot rely on from a young age. And they learned back then that they had to do it alone, with all the consequences that entails. More information on that in another post. However, realizing more in adulthood that you sometimes stand alone can be a wonderful impetus for taking a step towards personal growth. These moments of feeling alone can help you turn inward and find and experience within yourself the support and strength you normally seek from others. People have so much more (inner) strength than they realize. And what is more beautiful than finding the strength in difficult moments to come to a solution yourself or to endure a difficult situation? Every time you succeed in doing this, you will be more present, and it will give you a boost in self-worth and self-confidence. You are the foundation of yourself; it sounds logical, but in practice, it often seems to be the opposite. People who constantly lean on others and thereby relinquish their responsibility and giving away their power. But also blame others when something happens to them or they are treated in a certain way. When someone touches you emotionally, you often blame the other person but forget to look at your own contribution. So instead of pointing the finger at the other person, reflect on what you could have done or said differently. And reflect on why it affected you so deeply.

The love between two people, the so-called romantic relationship, can vary greatly from moment to moment. Sometimes it is fully present, everything seems to be going perfectly, and the love radiates far beyond you. But sometimes it is subject to all kinds of triggers and old wounds being touched, and struggles to penetrate the person themselves. It feels as if it is no longer there, that the love has disappeared. Instead of love, you feel anger and frustration towards the other person. You feel misunderstood, that the other person is not taking you into account; you feel alone in the relationship. You mainly place the blame on the other person, because you know that you really are doing your best. What people often do when discussions or disagreements arise, especially when old wounds are touched, is talk at one another instead of engaging in a dialogue. Like two fists boxing against each other instead of clasping hands. Intense emotions take over and manifest primarily in everything the other person is doing wrong. In this way, the disagreement is not truly addressed or resolved. Therefore, there is a high chance that it will repeat itself. What people often forget is to express how they feel about the situation, what it does to them, and what it touches in them, without immediately pointing the finger at the other person. That is quite difficult to do, because it would mean looking at your own wounds and daring to talk about them as well. Which is very scary, because it requires making yourself vulnerable, which in turn requires feeling safe enough with the other person. Which is, of course, difficult in a situation where you feel misunderstood. And often, when there are intense emotions, it is much harder to return to your own place of safety. And when people are accused of something, they are quick to go on the counter-attack or defensive. It requires a great deal of calm, self-insight, and a willingness to deal with this in a good, constructive way. But most importantly, it is to talk about this with your partner—openness and honesty about yourself and about where your fears, triggers, and wounds lie. About what you feel when certain situations arise. In the beginning, it can be difficult to do this during a disagreement; try to find a moment when you are both a bit calmer and more centered. Above all, do not think, "Let it go”, because it will just keep building up. When you do talk about it, tell your partner what touches it and why. And when your partner speaks, try to really listen, give the other person real space without reacting immediately, offering solutions, or judging. If there is room to respond, respond from compassion and understanding, and ask questions when something isn't entirely clear. And of course, it may happen that you don't fully understand it because it doesn't apply to you personally, but do take it seriously.

We are all unique in who we are, or so it is always said. But is this really true? As described in earlier posts about being stuck in the ego and emptiness, the so-called ‘self’ has been discussed: what is it and how is it formed. We often seek out people around us with whom we share the same views, interests, etc. And we connect with them through a more similar energy or, conversely, a more opposite one, so that the other can fill our shortcomings. We form our groups with more like-minded people. This sounds logical, self-evident, and authentic, and creates connection. Which, on the one hand, it is, but if we look a little further and deeper, it turns out not to be the case at all. For those shared interests, views, etc., stem from the formed 'self', the ego, with all our formed opinions, views, and preferences. So, we are actually connecting at the level of the formed ‘self’, the ego, the untrue self. So, how pure and authentic is it really? If we then look back at the concept of emptiness. That which is within each of us and which is the same within each of us. That from which everything originates: the piece of the universe, God, consciousness within us. The empty vessel with which you are born as a baby, pure and completely blank. That which connects us all and everything on a very deep level. Connecting based on ego is, of course, very pleasant on a more superficial level. But on a deeper level, this simultaneously causes separation. Separation from yourself, but also separation from everything else. If you extend this to your environment and on a global level, you quickly see the consequences: being different, forming groups, making distinctions based on views, opinions, preferences, appearance, etc. And the suffering this causes in the world. Connecting with people from and with that emptiness, that is where the deepest and purest connection takes place. When you meet someone, try to look beyond the formed ‘ego’ and try to see the pure emptiness of yourself in the other.

Sometimes you have those days when everything is blah. When you don't feel like doing anything or don't want to interact with anyone. But you still have to leave the house to do some grocery shopping. On the way, you walk reluctantly towards the store, with your eyes fixed on the ground. You happen to look up briefly because someone is walking towards you and you want to be absolutely sure you don't bump into each other. The moment you make eye contact, the person says hello in a friendly manner. Somewhat surprised and taken aback, you say hello back at the last moment. You notice that your eyes are now slightly less fixed on the ground and you are looking around a bit more. Arriving at the store, you grab a cart outside. Just as you are about to enter the store, someone else arrives at the entrance at the same time. This person smiles kindly and says, "Please go ahead." You smile back and say, "Thank you." Feeling a bit more cheerful, you walk through the store and pick up the items you need. Arriving at the checkout, there is a long line. But you are already feeling more okay, you shrug your shoulders, and you even let someone go ahead of you who only has a few items. Arriving at the cashier, you smile kindly, whereupon she spontaneously strikes up a short conversation with you about someone who was ahead of you and who tried to teach her a few words of a foreign language. Once outside, you are cheerful and aware of your surroundings. You want to return your shopping cart but see someone walking up and offer it to this person. They are grateful and walk towards the store with a smile. This is a beautiful example of the wonderful effect the ripple effect can have, not only for yourself but also for other people. Often, we are the ones who have a positive effect on others. But sometimes, when you are having a bad day yourself, there are others who provide you with some positive energy. My personal motto is ‘lead by example,’ but of course, everyone has a bad day now and then, which is okay too. I find it very beautiful to see that the universe lets you experience that you get back what you give. And all those expressions like, ‘You reap what you sow,’ and ‘what goes around comes around,’ and of course, the meaning of karma. It almost seems like a universal law...

Sometimes you don't know what to do; you feel that you want to do something but don't know what. You feel the urge to do something, but you don't know what. Doing nothing and sitting still brings restlessness to your body, restlessness to your head, restlessness to your mind, so it is actually not an option. So you just start tidying and cleaning your house, or call a friend. Yes, seeking distraction is what most of us do. The mobile phone has probably been number one for the last few years. Everywhere you look, most people are on their mobiles, with no eye for the people around them and the environment as a whole. There are probably more people addicted to that thing than we would like to think. But if that distraction isn't enough and that restless feeling persists, we turn to other addictions such as alcohol, drugs, sex, etc., just to stop feeling that feeling. But it feels too unpleasant that we are too afraid to take a good look at it and investigate what it is and where it comes from. Just try doing it. Most people get the chance for this every day; even if they try their best to stay busy and seek distraction, there are always a few moments when the feeling of emptiness knocks at your door. The more you try not to feel it, the stronger it comes back each time. You don't want to feel it, and by constantly trying to find distractions, you deny that part of yourself. But if you sometimes would take that step and investigate what it is, that unpleasant, restless feeling. Does it feel like you are missing something, a void that you need to fill with something? This is why people constantly try to fill these moments with other activities such as those mentioned earlier, alcohol, drugs, sex, relationships etc. to fill that gap. This is also one of the reasons why many people struggle to be alone. We think that we are the self of the personality formed from birth. Shaped by our character traits, opinions, and beliefs. We identify with this as the 'I', which feels like who you are. Only that, and nothing more. And what about that emptiness you feel? Why do you keep experiencing it despite doing so many fun things in your life? Could there perhaps be a reason for it being there after all? Just sit down quietly and try not to push it away or seek distraction, but simply let it be there completely. Perhaps you feel a lot of resistance, or become anxious or nervous. Just let it be there completely; think of it this way: what is the worst that can happen? Try to embrace it and identify with it fully. From the perspective of Buddhism, among others, the formed so called self is seen as the ego, and that emptiness is the greater something or nothing. That you must let go of the ego because it is precisely the ego that is the unreal, and it is the emptiness in which everything originates. The mutual interdependence of emptiness implies that everything is interconnected.