Grief is rarely a simple emotional experience. When someone we love dies, our minds often revisit past moments, conversations, and decisions. It is very common for feelings of guilt to arise during the grieving process. However, not all guilt in grief is the same. Two types of guilt that often appear after a loss are general grief-related guilt and survivor’s guilt. While they can feel similar, they come from different psychological processes and affect people in different ways. Understanding the difference can help reduce self-blame and create space for compassion during the healing process. Guilt in Grief Guilt in grief is often connected to regret about past interactions with the person who died. Many people find themselves reflecting on moments in the relationship and wishing they had done things differently. Thoughts may include: - “I wish I had visited more often when they lived.” - “I wish I had a better relationship with them.” - “I should have told them how much they meant to me.” This type of guilt is very common after many types of loss, including deaths from illness, accidents, or natural causes. Psychologically, this response is connected to unfinished emotional business in the relationship. When someone dies, there is no longer an opportunity to repair, apologize, or express love in the way we might wish we had. The mind revisits these moments because it longs to restore the connection. Although these thoughts can feel painful, they are often rooted in love and the desire to have been a better partner, friend, or family member. Importantly, this form of guilt focuses on the relationship itself, not responsibility for the death. Survivor’s guilt is different. Rather than focusing on past interactions, survivor’s guilt centers on the belief that one could have prevented the death or should have suffered instead of the person who died. Common thoughts may include: - “If I had noticed the signs, maybe they would be alive” - “Why am I still here when they’re gone?” - “I should have done something to stop this.”

If you have lost someone to suicide and find yourself thinking… • “I should have seen the signs.” • “Why didn’t I do more?” • “Why am I still here and they’re not?” …you may be experiencing survivor’s guilt. As both a therapist and someone who deeply understands suicide loss, I want you to know this gently and clearly: Survivor’s guilt is a very common trauma response. When we lose someone this way, the brain tries to make sense of the unbearable. It searches for control. It replays moments. It asks endless “what if” questions. Not because you are guilty — but because your nervous system is trying to protect you from helplessness. Feeling responsible does NOT mean you were responsible. Suicide is complex and influenced by many factors that are often invisible, even to the people closest to the person. If survivor’s guilt has been heavy on your heart lately, you are not alone here. As someone who consistently works to prevent suicide. The factors that contribute to their decision is far more than that one time - You…… didn’t say something Did something Was not able to attend to Did not pay attention to Said the wrong thing Didn’t say anything Had an argument Didn’t talk for a long time ….etc There is nothing that you could have or could not have done …. As human beings we are not powerful enough to control the actions or the decisions of others. Guilt is a powerful feeling and a good one because it lets you know - you’re a good person. You are a person who cared that they were doing the right thing, that you cared for the person who is now gone. Guilt makes you someone with the power to reflect. In this group we will be addressing guilt more closely. One key differentiator between guilt for those grieving the death of loved one who died of natural causes vs a death of a loved one who died of suicide - can be seen in the intensity of the feeling and in the frequency it shows up. For someone who lost a loved one to suicide this guilt can be excessive, delusional and even irrational. We will explore different types of guilt.

Hello and welcome, My name is Vanessa, though my family lovingly calls me Vane. I created this group to build a compassionate community for individuals who have experienced suicide loss. I believe the grief we carry after losing a loved one to suicide is a very unique kind of pain — one that is often difficult for others to fully understand, process, or support. Our experience of grief is different from losses due to natural causes, illness, or age. It often comes with additional layers such as guilt, shame, survivor’s guilt, complicated family dynamics, blame, stigma, and the painful reality that suicide can still feel like a taboo topic to speak about openly. Many people simply don’t know how to support us in our grief. Even those who care deeply may feel overwhelmed by the repetitive and traumatic nature of our loss. As both a therapist and a grieving sister, I searched for answers. During my PhD dissertation, I studied the clinical causes and factors that contribute to suicide. While my mind gained knowledge and understanding, my heart was still broken. No amount of expertise could bring my sister back. I could not repair all the family wounds left in the aftermath of her death. My life was forever changed, and I have had to learn to accept that PTSD became part of my human experience. From that place of both professional knowledge and personal heartbreak, I felt called to create a support network — a space filled with tools, education, and, most importantly, deep compassion — for those who choose to walk this healing journey together. I am truly grateful for your presence here. I know grieving is hard. I know it is a process. And I am honored that you are here to share part of that journey with me. With respect and gratitude 🙏 Vane 💜🦋