How to get feeling - hurting from not

I just listened to the overt/covert Narcism series, per Hollys suggestion, but I am so far from cracking open. Any suggestions on how to feel into the pain of our patterns vs intellectualizing? I know this is the most basic problem in growth work ever but Im really hurting because I am hearing and ready to see the ways I play games and wound but cant connect w that pain and thus release. My pain stays dramatic and intellectual now raw and renewing. Very open to feedback please.

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