Was today a good day? The jury is still out….

9h (edited) • 🏆 Wins

In theory, I have done everything right today 😉

I nurtured my physical self, my nervous system and my mental health by:

Getting an appropriate amount of sleep. Seven hours a night for more than two days for me is always a win. I have a sleep deficit that stretches over decades. No drugs either. Melatonin, over the counter Unisom and concentrated lavender oil (CalmAid)
Following my training schedule: 5 miles run and I am pretty close to the fitness level I had in early 2020. Running to the beat of music calms my mind down and allows me to put things into perspective. When I’m in a bad head space, I go run.
Sticking fairly closely to my nutrition plan so both my body and my brain are fed efficiently.
Actually taking a short hot shower which resets my nervous system, relaxes my muscles and well really, is a necessity. Unfortunately, my current living situation does not allow me to do this on a daily basis (yes I live in France right now, if that means anything to you) Plus I love smelling good. Being able to smell everything is a blessing and a curse sometimes.
I Escaped to a quiet place for a few hours, so I could focus without interruption, disrupting thoughts or overly stimulating inputs. Additionally, I’ve started reducing lights and sounds around 730pm tonight and avoided any unnecessary stressful situations.

Yet, the world is already too loud and too bright for me. My own footsteps, my stomach growling, the water/electric humming of the fridge; everything bothers me. I’m tired mentally and physically, but sleep is never a guarantee. It’s Friday night, so the neighbors might be having a party or produce some kind sharp noise that will keep me awake. I love the quiet and the dark, but paradoxically, that’s when I feel the most alive and awake. But that’s also the time of the day when the world is just too much.

I wanted to do so much more today, post on my social media accounts, reply to a few more messages or emails and be more creative. That’s the part of myself I miss the most. However, I’m slowly coming to terms with the reality that I am in fact AuDHD, and it will take a long time for my brain to heal from the abuse I’ve put it through for thirty years.

So tonight, I will go to bed with that knowledge. It’s alright for me to slow down and reset my nervous system sometimes. I may cry tonight, it happens once in a while. But they won’t be tears of sadness or depression. They will be tears of relief and joy from letting myself drift into sleep (with a little lavender oil of course); from the comfort of knowing that on March 7th, I begin a new chapter of my life in Bella Napoli, the “Lady with dirty feet” as Neapolitans like to describe it.

@Alison St. Romain

@Bill Widmer

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