I am not giving up on my dreams, but....

Next week I have an interview to get hired as a freelance software engineer (again. That's what I did most of my professional life).

So, I have mixed feeling about this. First, getting the job is still extremely difficult in the current job market, but if I do succeed it will take away a lot of time that I am spending right now on building my business. There is a risk that I will entirely stop working on my business because it's too many things on my plate then. I work as a yoga teacher right now and I do not want to give that up, either. Why? Because software projects end. And when the last software project ended, I had nothing, no income whatsoever. If I stop working as a yoga teacher, someone else will take over my class slots and getting them back is difficult. So I might end up with NO INCOME, again, if I give up on teaching yoga.

Besides, teaching yoga is great. It's stressful at times, but it feels so much more aligned with me.

And don't get me wrong. Software engineering is great, too.

Unfortunately, most of the software projects aren't. I could go into length and detail, how stupid software projects oftentimes are, what goes wrong and why it doesn't get fixed and how frustrating that is, knowing that it would be absolutely possible to do it right but no one wants to hear it, or invest time and effort. Anyway.

So then, why would I even consider doing a software project again? The reason is simple and quite prosaic:

I need the money. And I need to afford a vacation.

This week was quite some up and down for me: Migraine, had to cancel 4 yoga classes (money wise devastating), pay for MOT and other stuff (more money going out), then FORGETTING that I had offered to do a yoga class for another teacher, students showed up, I wasn't there, the owner of the studio furious. Then: got a client for personal yoga. Had a wonderful first session, next session next week already booked. Made an excursion with a friend to another city and enjoyed the day. Tomorrow I will go to the gym then sauna then jacuzi with a friend, something I haven't been able to do for literally years.

So far, I did my best to not let circumstances determine how I feel, but I have to say, I let the positive things get on me 😉 I am in quite a good mood. However, if I become a FTE again (Full Time Emgineer), these things are out of reach. But other things are possible again.

So, what to do? I have the feeling that I might blow the interview just because I am in doubt that this is the right thing to do. But maybe it is the right thing, at least for now, because the current situation is exhausting. EXHAUSTING, really. I need a break.

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