We explore cognitive dissonance in my course, it one of the biggest barriers in this work. Here's Chamieka on the topic: "You know. If I ever went back for a PhD, my dissertation would be on white people and cognitive dissonance. Because I keep seeing the same thing play out. Every time a story gets posted, here come the comments. “This has to be rage bait.” “There’s no way this is real.” And I’m just sitting here like… why are you acting surprised? Where have you been? Do you really think white people don’t think like this? Don’t say things like that? Don’t move like that? At some point, that’s not you being unaware. That’s you choosing not to see it. This is why so many Black folks feel like there are two America’s. Because this country doesn’t move the same depending on who you are. One version gets the benefit of the doubt, safety, and grace, while the other has to explain, defend, and survive the same situations just to be believed. A girl raised to fear Black men. A mother panicking because her daughter is having a baby with a Black man. Two college students pushing their Black roommate out. This isn’t rare. This is regular. People deal with this every day. But instead, you start picking it apart. Looking for a reason it can’t be true. Questioning the person, the details, the timing. Anything so you don’t have to sit with what it actually means. Because if it’s real, then something about how you’ve been seeing things doesn’t hold up. And a lot of y’all don’t want to touch that. You move through the world like white is the default. Like it’s the default setting. So when something ugly comes from that same place, it feels wrong to you. Again, NOT because it’s rare, but because it doesn’t match what you’ve been telling yourself. So you push it away. Call it fake. Call it exaggerated. Call it anything but what it is. That’s the dissonance. It’s not that you don’t understand. It’s that understanding would cost you something, and you’re not trying to pay that.

Check your Privilege wheel: Privilege is not about whether your life has been hard. Privilege is about which parts of your identity give you more access, safety, belief, protection, or power in society. https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/07/what-checking-privilege-means/

What can you notice? Hi Chamieka! I’m posting here because I’m getting attacked in my local neighborhood group and need some perspective. Yesterday, my babysitter and 9 year old daughter were at the park. Our babysitter noticed three African American men sitting at a table and driving around the parking lot in a red car for about 15 minutes. My daughter got incredibly scared, to the point where she was crying and ran all the way home. My husband immediately went back to the park to confront them and ask them to leave, genuinely wanting to restore a sense of safety for the neighborhood families. Meanwhile, I made a quick post in our neighborhood Facebook group asking if anyone knew these guys. I wasn’t there so I wrote down the descriptions our babysitter gave us. I called and asked the police to do a drive-by. And I don’t understand why that’s an issue? We're always told that if you see something, you say something, but apparently that makes me the bad guy now. I’m almost certain they don’t live in our subdivision, so why hang out in a neighborhood you don’t belong in? It honestly felt like they were there purposely trying to scare people. The comments on the post I made are completely roasting us. It’s devastating that I’m being attacked for simply reacting to that threat. People are calling me a racist, saying things like, 'So because they drove around for 10 minutes and are Black you were scared for your lives?' But that’s not the full story. The point is they don’t live here and they are scaring kids. I will never apologize for putting my daughter’s safety first. It wouldn't matter if those men were white, purple, or green because they were acting suspiciously and making my child feel threatened. Am I supposed to just sit back and ignore a potentially dangerous situation so I don't get canceled or labeled? It’s completely unfair that my family is being painted as the villains here when we were just trying to keep our neighborhood safe. ___________________

Hi Chamieka, I would love some support and guidance from you and your followers. I work for a large payroll processing firm. I’ve been a data analyst for 8 years. I love my job, and I’ve been promoted twice since I started. When I started, I became very close to a Black woman on my team. I guess I should mention that I’m white, although I’m not really sure if that matters here or not. We hit it off immediately. We ate lunch together, helped each other with projects, gossiped about work together, and stayed close outside of work too. She came to my wedding, and I even took off work for a week after she had her first child since she didn’t have any help from her child’s father. I’ve really shown up for her over the years, and she’s been my friend and confidant for a long time. Several months ago, a position opened up in our department as the person who was in it for years was retiring. Our department manager sent out the job announcement and told us we should all apply. Before I could even tell my friend that I planned to apply for it, she told me that she planned to apply for it. So I kept it to myself. I applied for the job too, privately. I figured I’d tell her if it went anywhere. Long story short, we were both called in for an interview, and it would have been a substantial pay increase. I honestly thought she would get it. She’s a great, innovative employee with a wall full of credentials and awards, and I’ve learned a lot from her over the years. She tends to keep a low profile, comes in, does her job, and goes home. There’s nothing wrong with that, but she’s never really been involved beyond work- she’s never come to a Christmas party or a happy hour after work in the 8 years we’ve worked together. I I am more social and have a really great relationship with the hiring managers, both in and out of work. So I kind of knew I might have a slight advantage in that way, just because I’m friendly and outgoing, and she’s more reserved. The day of the interview, we both came in more dressed up than usual. I finally did tell her that I’m interviewing for the position too and that she didn’t give me a chance to tell her. I could tell she felt betrayed or disappointed- I’m not sure.

Anti-Blackness doesn't disappear because we're queer. Experiencing one form of oppression does not automatically prevent us from participating in another. Silence is not neutral. Neither is continued collaboration with people whose anti-Blackness is obvious and unaddressed. A question worth sitting with: What do I believe I'll lose if I speak up? Community? Friendship? Access? Status? Comfort? Because Black queer and trans people are already losing safety, belonging, opportunity, and support in spaces that claim to be inclusive. Deconstruction isn't just about what we say we believe. It's about what we're willing to risk to live those values.