3d • Whiteness
CiW: Practicing noticing how Whiteness shows up
Everybody, let’s talk about it: 🧵
Hi Chamieka,
I want to start by saying that my heart is really in the right place here and I genuinely am here to listen, learn, and grow. I’ve been following your work for a few months now and I actually donate because I believe in what you’re doing. The way you break things down has honestly changed how I move through the world and I’m so grateful for the community you’ve built.
I go to school in Alabama and I’m a junior. I’m coming to you because I don’t know how to handle something involving one of my roommates in a way that isn’t harmful. I’ve been sitting with this for a while and I know I have blind spots. I know my perspective is limited. I just really need you and your followers to help me see what I can’t see on my own, because I care deeply about getting this right.
There are three of us. Two of us are white and we have both been really lucky to have college funds that cover our expenses. Neither of us has had to work and we fully acknowledge that is a privilege we didn’t earn. Our third roommate is Black and has been on financial aid since we all became friends freshman year. Her road has been so much harder than ours and I have so much respect for how she has kept pushing through. She is honestly one of the most resilient people I have ever met.
She has struggled a lot to keep up. When her financial aid got revoked because her grades didn’t meet the requirements, our parents stepped in to cover her portion of the bills because we love her and we weren’t going to let her end up without a place to live. We were clear with her that it was a temporary arrangement until she found a job.
She got back on her feet by braiding hair. She enrolled back into our school part time so she can clear academic probation. First it started with her going to clients. Then clients started coming to our house. All different kinds of people. Black women, brown women, Black men, mothers getting their hair done with their kids in tow. Every time I come home, someone different is here. It’s gotten out of hand.
I told myself I wasn’t assuming anything about these people, but I also told myself I couldn’t assume they were safe. I want to be honest that I said that more than once. I am not comfortable with a stream of potentially dangerous strangers in my home, and we’ve tried to gently talk to her about it. She still doesn’t get it.
Now she’s advertising her work on Facebook and I feel overexposed. I feel like she gave away our consent.
The noise never stops. The water and electricity bills keep going up. She’s giving away food that we all paid for. Like if we grocery shop on Thursday, by Sunday most of the food is gone. It’s extremely unfair. Blow dryers are running at midnight. I swear I’m not being dramatic. This is just what we are living with every single day.
She thinks we are all renewing the lease next month. She’s not. Today two of us had a meeting with the landlord about trespassing. Which is what all of these people are doing when they come to our house without everyone’s permission.
We just want our quiet home back, and we are worried about how it will look- two white women pushing out their Black roommate who is already financially unstable, whose family situation at home is difficult, and who has been trying to build something for herself inside our shared space. It’s not like that at all.
We love this apartment. We want to keep it. I’m asking for help figuring out how to have a fair but clear conversation that motivates her to leave.
Original link if you want to brave the comments for practice. https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1JEXGvxbgY/
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CiW: Practicing noticing how Whiteness shows up
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