Well, here is where I start my not so quiet reflection period I guess
Fear:
When has fear stopped me from taking action? I'd say most of this year. After what I endured and my relationship of 3 months back in 2024, I was afraid to date again. I know that honestly. It was protecting me from absolutely making the same mistakes and patterns again, and feeling like I was finally ready to put myself back out there again and date.
Control:
Where do I try too hard to get it right? I'd say right out of the gate: My dating profile. I try to curate what I show and don't show because I know certain aspects of myself are complicated and I don't want to reveal too much too soon. If I just put it all out there? I think it would honestly alienate too many prospectives from being interested because I've tried a variation of it, and it didn't work out so well. I'm trying to find a way to honestly find a balanced response.
The Nice Guy Trap:
That previous sentence is a good segue into this. When do I hide parts of myself to be liked? Always! I hide certain aspects because I am not sure how someone will take it. It makes me a lot more reserved and less like myself when I'm around women.
“Where have I been playing safe in dating?”
Actually I was doing speed dating in only one space for a while because I kept feeling like lightning was going to strike twice. It never struck again. And I knew I should have diversified, and tried some apps but I was afraid to take risks with unknown dating apps, so I stuck to Bumble, even though it was slightly dissatisfying, and Facebook dating, which will more improvements, still was a tossup.