I Love this account, so romantic... but she's got me thinking this morning. She says she just follows something much greater than herself to create. Is this romance? What is the value of removing the power and responsibility from yourself? Does it feel powerful to see yourself as collaborating with a great force as a channel or tool? I see my creativity as coming from my own desire and through my own blood sweat and tears. I explore empowerment, responsibility, stewardship perhaps. I am part of the universe and connected to all, so there is nothing greater than loving and exploring my personal pinpoint of expression. And I'm very curious whenever I feel a rock (like her statement) in my shoe about how someone engages with creativity! I want to find every corner of my inner self and bring it to light. Wield it in my creativity. I think this pebble in my shoe tells me I want credit! I want to shine and be seen and respected. I want to use my skill and mind and heart to create the truest version of my art/self and show the world what I am. I find the way she described her creativity irksome... but I wonder if it would be relaxing to share credit? If it would feel supportive? I've often felt unseen in all of my efforts, in relationship and career. This is all connected. I'm going to use this opportunity to journal with my coffee so I can emotionally timestamp this understanding and keep exploring it.

I want ARTISTS to be valued over their work!!!!!! I want hearts and minds to be cherished by how their work emerges naturally. Fuck this commodification of g d everything. We need sacred observation of creation, of the process of learning, of humanity. A body of work should be so specific to the soul that created it that it's like getting to know them, exploring their inner self, a singular experience!!! How much more interesting would going to art shows be if bodies (of work) came in all shapes and sizes.

Rob (my partner) sent this to me to share with you(AWWW). It's a younger person's grant... It's merit based so easy to apply to. I tried several times over the years, and then aged out. It's worth a look if you are applying before your 42nd birthday. https://www.elizabethgreenshieldsfoundation.ca/en/apply

The studio light is great for painting the small sections I need to work on in a session, but insufficient for getting even light without glare for the final photo! It was a perfect storm of circumstances today.. an overcast day and a willing friend showed up. The white walls of the building in the drive of my studio act like a bunch of those professional photography reflector gizmos. I needed a friend because these big paintings are like sails on a ship, picking up even the smallest gust of wind! I had to hold the painting from flying away while my friend snapped the pics. I still have to go through the SIM card to see what we got.. but I think we must have got a good one. 🤞

I've been renting dedicated studio space since summer 2006 in NYC. Over the years I've prioritized the consistent building of an art practice/career over all else... and there were always sacrifices and adjustments required. The neighborhoods have been iffy, the spaces funky. I've had a bathroom wall that filled with water every rain, and an insane landlord who visited me incessantly because I was painting in the studio he built and gave up on. There have been moves to distant places that offered space and time, but sacrificed a solid home base and community. Frugality has been important because income fluctuates as an artist and you want to be able to float yourself during the lean times. Always freedom to create over amenity and outward stability. Building inward safety and stability has been a skill I am always honing, one necessary for this path. Recently I've been curious about finding live/work space in the Bay Area.. as we don't love the East Bay and San Fransisco is out of our price range right now with rental prices skyrocketing. This weekend we drove up to Sonoma County to look at a very funky option. It was basically a chaotic container ship village of art studios "organized" by a nice, eccentric metal sculptor. Affordable, not small... but there would be a rodent problem, and probably roof leaks in the studio portion... and no closets or cabinets or appliances. I felt a yes at first for the country and a community of freedom loving creatives... but the more I mull it over it's feeling like a no. It will be a Herculean effort to move my established studio from the perfect space it is in now in SF to this ok space. And I will lose painting time. I would be willing to lose productivity in the short run for more in the long... but this doesn't feel like that. Each option I consider or choose teaches me about what is most important to me. This time I feel that the ability to continue to work in my current studio without interruption is more important than loving my apartment, or where it is. I'm surprised at this! I have loathed this place. I have been resentful about the circumstances of the last move and the seeming lack of choice. But, several times now I have searched for an exit only to choose to stay to keep stability and my studio. It's empowering to get the opportunity to choose the thing I dislike. To choose patience over reaction. To be able to trust that there will be a better option and it will feel right.