Me: found something near to finish for the first time with this acrylic painting- in the daisies. You?

I came away from the last critique with some solid things to ponder - my relationship with beauty/sweetness, drawing vs painting, releasing my grip on other's opinions. These have led to some revelations which just scratch the surface with respect to releasing a number of limiting beliefs around my work. It's been so interesting. Felicia, one of the things I wrote down "am I doing my best? not all paintings are elegant from start to finish". I realized I had this belief that if the painting didn't feel difficult to build that I was slacking or being lazy (which I equated with lack of effort). And yet friction, which to me comes hand in hand with hard stuff (for lack of a better word), is something I actively minimize in my processes - I intentionally built a painting process in my work that is enjoyable, playful even, and fluid. And yet in my head I'm judging it (my paintings) as not serious because making them doesn't feel hard. My definition of doing my best is showing up honestly, being fully present with the work and staying curious. Those things are very challenging to do, dare I say hard, but I never acknowledged that until recently. In my head, the concept of "hard" was more technique centric, making principled marks that felt closer to how the object presented itself - definitely not fluid or playful - and yet, this is absolutely NOT how I want to paint. I also realized that I had some sort of bar set for art in general that if it happens smoothly it is less valuable than what requires sweat and tears (and, no surprises here, I thought of my drawings as something that happened smoothly). Yet elegance is effortless, right, than belabored things? and so valuable, I think more so. And doing the work so that paintings do occasionally happen effortlessly IS hard. As you suggested I've been drawing and doing quick, small paintings. Examining the relationship between them both, identifying what I value about each not just as end work but what the process reveals to me as well. Like I mentioned in critique, there is a rawness to my drawings I deeply appreciate that gets polished out when I paint - I'm suspecting because I have this belief that paintings require more time, more precise mark making, more complexity, more effort. Yet it's the directness and seamlessness of the drawings that delight me - I'm figuring out how to make direct marks with paint. Now the trick will be how to keep them that way as I embrace some of the complexities of paint (which I maybe will end up choosing not to use - who knows).

Great news! My new gallery came through. I like that the old voices about paintings that haven't sold for ages aren't worth showing can be reassured and soothed. Also that you can paint what is true for you (there are cigarettes in this one) against "good sales advice" and someone will relate and buy it anyway. It was the largest one I sent them, which is great. They texted me with genuine excitement and celebration, which I love so much.

Today I was inspired while painting this. The phrase "Hut hut" from The Witcher came to me through my memory. And I think I may title the painting that. It's a spell or chant the characters say (it's longer, but I love a title that simply eludes to my inspiration) to call the deathless mother in the chicken legged hut. Then the flow said "What if you added stars that glowed in the dark!?". I thought, is that possible with oil? Apparently they sell glow in the dark, artist grade oil paint... so I bought some to try. I felt that childlike excitement which is honestly rare ... what if the collector alone got to experience a secret in their darkened home? What if I could infuse some magic? Yesterday I listened to the biopic of Tolkien while I painted and then to movies based on his work. I cried. I have always wanted to create something huge, important... something magical and inspiring. And maybe I already am.... It's difficult to see the scope of your work from the trenches. I'm sure Tolkien, who was in the literal trenches felt that too while creating. But today I felt a flutter of magic in myself and I'm very grateful. No knowing where the inspiration will lead but I'm happy to have caught it. 🐓🏠 "Behold the mother of forests, the Deathless Mother, nesting in dreams. Turn your back to the forest, hut, hut. Turn your front to me, hut, hut."

"Even a burger is clearly treated with love" hmmmmm What are they experiencing in observing my work? My first thought was that a ballet dancer would dance like themselves and their best no matter what they were dancing... or is it that they are surprised to admire a burger? Is my hand demonstrating that anything can be beautiful? What do you all think?