18d • Wins/Breakthroughs
Where Reflection Finds Me
Below are pictures of some plants in my garden. There were 6 garden areas that I loved so much. So very much. The longest time of home security to at I have ever had is my home in Destin Florida. I was a REALTOR and got a good deal and a commission on the purchase of “our” home. We spent 9 years in this home.
I had a studio full of art supplies of all kinds. My focus was on clay. Kiln, potters wheel, extruder, clay recycling area, hand building area also.
I also worked in glass and silver clay with a kiln for this.
I was a manager/medical assistant/coder and biller at a Pain Management Surgery Center for 7 years.
I was getting my masters degree part time in Counseling Psychology for 4 years.
All of This, even though my inner anxious pain was severe, I ignored that.
I won’t go into those details here.
Everything came to an abrupt end when my husband strangled me twice in an attack defending his affair.
I couldn’t afford to keep my home and pay him out 50%.
Not only did I have to move, but this made a good time for my EMDR session my counselor was waiting for. Since I was a counseling student wanting healing but also to learn how to counsel from her, it was hard to drop in for the deep session.
The results of that was so traumatic, my mental health was challenged and I had to take a break from school.
Much happened, but I returned to complete school after six months.
Facing homelessness became a reality every month. This was in 2012.
The apartment home I live in currently is the first home that I feel so good and safe in completely by myself and my two dogs.
So when instability came knocking on my door again, I felt like, I knew it, I finally love my home and hear it goes again.
So, I looked for another apartment for the past two months.
The doors are closed. Yesterday the third door closed.
The Lord let me know, my current home is the safest place for me. He is my provider. The doors is open to stay where I am.
But also, The reflection time over the Resurrection Weekend found me in the state of realizing how rebellious that I truly am inside. Independent and rebellious. He showed me this from his training me at work and through this search for a new apartment in Houston.
This morning, I started setting up my recording studio space, my office table space and easel.
My heart feels raw and I have been surrounding since yesterday. I started a water fast for breakfast for 30 days until lunch and I am fasting no ice-cream or coke or French fries for the 30 days as surrendering my favorite things.
I know the beginning of this fast has brought about the beginning of this personal revelation. I really want to be in the will of God for my life and want to be part if His work on earth for His Kingdom.
I will put on some praise and worship on KSBJ during my drive to shake myself out of this inner dialogue with The Lord, myself and you, if you so with to be included of course.
I did create the outline of a Program for prayer, grief and art processing to live a higher quality of life over this past weekend. I will share more about this soon.
My heart is raw but I am relieved that I am knowing that I Am Home.
I am Home in my spirit where the Holy Spirit dwells and I am at home with myself and I am home in my dwelling place, my apartment that is safe and peaceful.
Blessings,
I hope something touched your heart in my story. Please let me know if I am waisting my time here or have some level of impact in the comments please.
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Where Reflection Finds Me
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