*TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ Suicidal ideation & C-PTSD* I want to be stupidly honest. Tonight, Happy tears roll down my face as I write this in my bed.. (that’s on the floor) of my FIRST duplex, both girls asleep in their very own rooms. It’s taken a lot to get here, all of which was 99.8% unplanned. I never know, but God always does. I got divorced 4 years ago this month… and it feels like an eternity ago. I remember laying in bed looking at my ex husband thinking, “if I don’t get out of this, I’m going to kill myself”. Leaving my kids wasn’t an option. I needed help, all alarms were firing. But I didn’t know, and I kept going because I had shit to do… I don’t know if many of you know this, but at that time I moved into the basement of my parents house with an almost 2 year old and an almost 5 year old. Voluntarily, My mom & dad became my survival partners. I was in a horrific & debilitating depression. Not sleeping, not enough anti-depressants or sleeping med’s to keep me out longer than 2/3 hours at a time. I was back in my hometown facing everyone who seemingly had it all together with their high school sweethearts at their sides; while I was running ragged & half cocked in between drop off’s and night shift. I worked full time weekend option to be there during the week for my babies & put myself through my masters program working nightshift. I had copious amounts of debt because shopping didn’t make me feel better, but I sure tried! I prioritized paying off my debts with the luxury of living rent free in la casa de parents (hehe). I plugged away broke, broken & empty and paid off $65,000 in debt. In case you missed it, I said SIXTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS IN DEBT. When I moved home Eevie still had a pacifier, Cora was about to start kindergarten; and I was an adult child freshly out of a failed marriage because I carried a lot of baggage with no idea how to unpack it. I didn’t even know that I had baggage to be honest, everyone else was the problem, not me! Back then, I was doing everything I could to the best of my abilities. “MY ABILITIES*”. (We can all laugh together). But I had no idea that my heart was in a bad way.

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