After what I have been through, I never thought I'd be here right now with a spark of hope in relation to helping people again. The reason for not believing this was possible is that hope it was taken away from me in every single way you could imagine! Before breaking down physically and psychologically, it was my purpose, what I was trained in, it has always been my WHY. If I looked in the mirror 'not too long ago' and told myself I'd find purpose in helping people again, I'd tell myself I was broken, fractured, dying and that I was not only incorrect but insane. I'd stare at myself in the mirror and explain the symptoms of my fractured mind and how coming to terms with immobility and death (multiple times) was the only truth left. Following that logical order, I'd then tell myself to keep preparing for that. Now that I have put myself back together, I do hope to pick up where I left off, I do hope to strengthen people, in mind, body and spirit. I do hope to support those who need it. I do hope to once again find myself. I'm not letting this mentality go as I fear the quiet, the loneliness, the despair and the silence will return forever! ... Now - for those who kicked me when I was down, I know they are all praying I don't get up this time around to continue on my mission of helping others. What they don't understand, is that with the line that they crossed, they brought out my inner strength ( attained when I put myself back together after I was not worth saving), they made it darker but I carried on. So to those Nihilists knocking at my door, I wonder what they will say when I open it once again? Since they believe in the poisonous words that they preach, I'll remind them that they will fail once again (this time with a smile on my face), I'll march through their quicksand as they sing their poisonous melodies! As I leave them behind, I'll take a final look back, watching as they check their own pulse, in a panic that their best put me down, but could not keep me down. I know the horror instilled once you realise your best was not enough to get the job done - I'm rubbing it right in their faces.