Capacity and Willingness to Change as a Limiting Factor in Conflict Resolution in Relationships
Alice posed a question to us yesterday in this post (https://www.skool.com/alice/what-conversation-are-you-avoiding-this-weekend) which was thought-provoking and 'heart-provoking' for me <3 "What's one conversation you know you need to have?" We all have those occasions where we stay silent instead of voicing our needs in a relationship (any kind), especially if we learned at an early age that voicing discomfort was not a safe or constructive thing to do. Since reading Alice's post, I have been able to circle back and remember some hard conversations I've avoided recently...and in some of these cases, previous attempts to explore conflicts in the relationship resulted in disappointment due to the other person's explicitly stated unwillingness to proceed with change, at least for "a year and a half". As much as one party in any conflict is willing to equip themselves with tools and make an effort at developing the capacity to commit to change to strengthen the quality of the relationship or dynamic, here is my question: If the corresponding party is limited in their own willingness or capacity to adjust and act toward transformation...is that as deep as the relationship goes? I'd love any outside insights to incorporate into my exploration of this complex question. Additionally, in cases where reciprocal effort is possible but still unknown, how can I overcome the fear of voicing a concern when it arises? Is it always a good thing to voice, or can releasing attachment or expectation sometimes be the better way? Is voicing a need always the right thing to do, or can remaining silent be better at times depending on who the other party is?