I relaxed so much during this meditation that I fell asleep the first time, haha! The second time, as I entered the forest, I felt very peaceful. As I approached the bridge, I saw it was wooden, yet sturdy. However, I heard a voice say, 'Be careful; if you cross it, you might fall.' At the edge of the bridge, I initially saw my grandfather (who symbolizes the positive aspect of masculine energy) and shortly after, my dad (who symbolizes the negative aspect of masculine energy). The message from my grandfather was, 'YOU ARE ALREADY DOING IT!' My dad told me that he was sorry for everything I am going through because of him. When my inner child came next to me, she told me she didn't want to walk onto the bridge because the one who hurt her (my dad) was on the other side. Nevertheless, we walked across it together. The masculine figure who sent me energy was God; but before that, he turned the bridge into concrete and told me I could trust Him. While I was receiving the energy, I felt safe and reassured that I could trust Him without fear. After the meditation ended, I felt a deep peace, carrying an inner sense of security and faith that someone has my back, even in hard times.

This is one of my favorite meditations, and I get excited every time I do it. During the meditation, I was transported to a beautiful forest, like the ones you find in Norway. I felt the breeze caressing my cheeks; I touched the tree trunks, and as I walked through it, I felt an incredible sense of peace. Before meeting my higher self, I encountered several animals, such as a squirrel, a wolf, etc. (which I believe represent different aspects of myself). When I met my higher self, she told me: not to wait for anyone who doesn't choose me, that I am enough, and that I need to start living like it. When I lay down on the bed of roses, I saw I was holding my inner child in my arms. She was crying and felt hurt because she felt lonely, as no one ever chose her. I hugged her and told her that I see her pain and that I empathize with her. I told her that she was right to feel the way she did (in my family, I was rarely validated/told I was right). At the end of the process, my inner child asked me not to leave her too. I promised her it would never happen again and that from now on, I would take care of her!🤗

During the meditation with my inner child, I saw her hidden in the dark, feeling lonely. I hugged her and told her she is special, thanked her for everything she went through so I could evolve, and said I consider her my heroine. I also told her that she doesn't have to be afraid anymore because I am holding her, I love her, and from now on, I will be her voice, her ears, and her boundaries.

Wow 😱 I am completely speechless and I am still integrating what just happened. I had no idea what to expect, but I just let myself go completely into the experience. At first, it felt like my body was completely overwhelmed by breathing so deeply and intensely. Suddenly my kidneys started to ache (which I now know is where we store our deepest survival fears and trauma), my nose got blocked, and my socks felt so tight that I literally had to rip them off. My system was trying to hold onto control. But the moment I stripped those socks off, I felt my heart opening up and becoming free. When the child’s voice spoke those loving words, it completely broke me. The tears just started flowing. Cleansing tears that my inner child had been waiting for over 30 years ! When we were asked to exhale and scream, absolutely no sound came out of my throat. Nothing. There was a definitive, physical blockade. As a child, I was forced to be quiet, to obey, and I was never allowed to make noise or even learn a music instrument because it was 'too loud' or 'too expensive'. My voice was literally locked away. But then, the music changed. I am extremely sensitive to music. I get full-body goosebumps instantly. My mind drifted to my dusty guitar sitting in my room, and suddenly, I saw my TRUE SELF. Since 2018, I’ve had this deep inner feeling that I belong on a stage. If you know me in real life, you’d think: 'What? Little, shy, introverted Nadine? Never!' But in that breathwork vision, I saw myself on a stage. Wearing a leather jacket, a nose ring, blue hair, holding my guitar. A total badass rockstar singing her heart out. And in that vision, I COULD SCREAM! I screamed out all the anger, the frustration, and everything that had been bottled up inside me for decades. I sang my soul out to 'The Kill' by 30 Seconds to Mars. It brought me back to a few months ago when a newcomer rock band named 'Thunderpunch' randomly requested to follow me on Instagram. They make exactly the music I embody. They didn’t have a singer yet, and I jokingly messaged them that they need a badass female singer. They actually wrote back asking for voice recordings, but because of my old shyness, I backed down.

CORE EVENT THAT HAPPENED YOUR PAST: Describe a core event from your past that you see as a developmental event in your life that holds you back in the present: 1. My parents divorced when I was young. 2. Shortly after, I developed a health issue. STORY AROUND THE CORE EVENT: What is the story that you tell yourself around this core event? How does it make you feel and act in the present? 1. My parents had a bad divorce. Due to their poor relationship, they used me as their mediator since they weren't speaking to each other. Furthermore, due to the divorce, my relationship with my dad grew distant until, after a few years, I never saw him alive again. I saw him after almost 23 years at his funeral. My parents' divorce has affected my entire love life and how I function in relationships. From a young age, I experienced a sense of loneliness, feeling that my voice wasn't heard, that I didn't belong, that I was being abandoned, and that I constantly had to emotionally support others and try to maintain balance regardless of how I felt. Until recently, that was exactly how I functioned in my romantic relationships too, and to some extent, I still do. Specifically, in my romantic relationships, I am always overly understanding, overgiving, offering emotional support, and trying to find solutions to problems even when I haven't been asked to. Also, during my parents' divorce, due to sadness and tension in the house, I developed a health issue a few years later, which also affects me in the present. 2. Due to my health issue (which, okay, is not that serious but significantly affects the quality of my daily life), I always believed that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't good enough, and that it would be difficult for someone to love me just the way I am. Generally, I felt ashamed and always had insecurities around it. Even today, though I have worked on it quite a bit, I always have to be careful, deprive myself of certain foods, and fear that my body might betray me in some way.