I have to start off by saying that after I did the Day 8 meditation for the Divine Mother, so many old memories and names resurfaced that I really started to feel the pull of the strong human desire to resume old patterns, habits, beliefs, stories, and so on. In this point of the challenge, I am really feeling the tug of war between old and new. I am not sure how well I am managing that tension. All I am doing so far is acknowledging everything that is coming up within, being curious about it and trying to minimize my resistance to it, which is temporarily pulling me through old habits. For me, it’s feeling the like the journey is transitioning from taking notes, journaling, going within, understanding, and the feedback loop of it all, to primarily being drawn inward (withdrawing so to say) and being faced this “battleground” to wade through tension and continue reaffirming a new magnetic version self (again, I’m not sure how well it’s going!). Aaron AI is helping me here when it says I can tell myself, “Ah, of course this part of me wants to go back. That’s what it knows.” Also acknowledging, “Is this little me? Is this the hyperindepdent, invisible one who feels unsafe and doesn’t want to be seen or exposed?” And then, “This discomfort is evidence that I’m becoming someone new. The tension between old and new is actually leverage which I can choose to use to catapult me into the new.” AI says that when the pull to the old is strong, ambiguity is its friend, and rather than be reactive and resistant, I can breathe, be grounded, be responsive, ask for help from the guides, and then choose small, specific ways to build up the new version of me. So what became of the Divine Mother? There were several childhood memories that have been impacting my sexuality for a long time. These are memories that I have never been able to feel safe telling anyone and yet have basically haunted me over the years by once in a while affirming old core beliefs. They distorted my understanding of how love actually manifests or feels between people. I would have grand difficulty with accepting compliments while at the same time yearning for validation as a ray of hope to disprove old beliefs. I would feel confused when receiving Christmas gifts; I would see the gifts as ceremonial obligations and politeness but not accept any possibility of loving intention behind those gifts. I would reject the version of love my mother showed me. This meditation left me looking into the past the entire rest of the day, connecting dots between key memories, and then redefining associated stories and beliefs based on the work I’d done with the inner child on Day 7. The big takeaway I got was to be more trusting of the universe and permit myself to be fully receptive to the universe’s blessings.

Not if we don't believe we can. It's about faith, not love or money. Believe it , receive it. The unseen ( by most) reality. Yet YOU see it. I know you do. See it, be it, create it! Yes yes!

Day 9 Insight: Rebuilding the bridge in real life Unlike yesterday where I felt completely guarded, today’s meditation brought up a very clear, honest picture. When we visualized the bridge with my father standing on the other side, my inner child asked him: "Why weren't you there for me when I needed you?" His answer was simple: "I'm sorry, there was no other way". I felt some relief during the Ho'oponopono part and accepted his apology, though it wasn't a huge cinematic breakthrough. In my mind, the bridge was still broken in the middle and I could literally see my mother shaking it, representing how she actively drove a wedge between us for decades. Looking back, I also realized how much my father wound fueled my people-pleasing and over-giving patterns. For years, I desperately sought his closeness like back in 2020 when I immediately offered him my own bedroom after his apartment had massive water damage, or lent him my car when his was in the shop. Meanwhile, my dad kept his distance because he falsely believed my mom and I were inseparable, never knowing how painful living with her actually was. However, the real healing is happening right now in my present life! Since going no-contact with my mom in June 2025, my dad and I are finally building a genuine father-daughter bond on eye level. The biggest proof of our shift? At the end of 2024, when I needed a place to stay (leaving the situation with my narcissistic ex boyfriend), he only offered me a cluttered basement. So I stayed in Leipzig (almost 500 km from my hometown). This upcoming Christmas, I’m staying with him for a whole week ... in his actual guest room! For my inner child, moving from the "basement" to a real room in his house without having to over-give is massive. The bridge isn't fully repaired yet, and that’s okay. We are building it brick by brick in reality 🙂

What if your patterns… The ones that BLOCK your life… Are actually “superpowers” if used in the right way? And what if they are BLOCKS because we identify them as so? Instead of using them in a new way? my pattern of “control” and not wanting to be “controlled” Led to me quitting my 9-5 job in 2017 because I didn’t want to be told what to do anymore That “control” pattern has motivated me to take action And since my childhood was about breaking out of the “box,” I help people break out of their own internal “boxes” (limiting beliefs, stuck emotions, etc) Many people with patterns of overgiving and people pleasing… Are very empathic people who understand people at a deep level They make great therapists, coaches, and people in the service industry like nurses, etc Their survival strategy as a kid became a GIFT even though at times it can result in the opposite side of self abandonment, feeling drained etc My tattoo artist is a perfectionist… He does fine line tattoos and his standard is HIGH for perfection A quality I LOVE in him because it is his gift and it’s why he is amazing at what he does He also is a helicopter pilot and teacher… also requires precision He’s come to accept his pattern and sees it as a gift I believe my empathic ability has helped me with being a coach, facilitating powerful live events, tapping into the collective energy with making content and more And I believe that when we appreciate our patterns we have the ability to release the resistance around them What if the childhood patterns were the PERFECT transformational “tension” to help mold you into a powerful human being who is resilient? And what if, like many superheroes in movies… The key is learning how to use it and balance it? I find body awareness and tapping inside is key to this balance Am I overdoing it with control and stressing myself out? Can I feel safe here and now? Am I overgiving or taking on other people's energies? Can I feel safe here and now?

Day 8 Insight: To be completely honest, I couldn't really connect with today's meditation or the concept of "Mother Energy" at all 🤷‍♀️ There was no big '"Aha!" moment for me today. I guess, because of my real-life past and the severe boundaries that were crossed with my mother, my system just felt neutral and guarded. At the end, I simply followed the instructions to connect with my inner child and told her I am here. Sometimes it just means accepting that a session didn't catch you, and that’s totally okay, right ?! 🤔