Is it this Monday as in today? Or, next weeks Monday?

@Amrita Ma Devi I would like to attend! However, I’m unsure of my internet connection where I’ll be traveling to. I will let you know soon!

I want to connect with a group of women who are supportive of each other healing from chronic illness and nervous system collapse. I’m hoping with the growth of this platform, it can become more of a communal sharing ground. I would really like to listen and read about other people’s stories and recovery process. For now, I think this can be a place to write down my frustrations and hopes of healing.

Hey, thanks for asking these questions. Today has been extremely hard for me. I woke up with burning pain radiating outward from my spine, central nervous system, and brain. This is really common with a Covid/Epstein Barr flare up. They work together to lower the immune system, colonizing the liver, then the ovaries, thyroid, nervous system, and the brain. This is the hardest part of being chronically ill by far, the pain alone is excruciating. I feel a profound, visceral sense of grief knowing that my precious body has been violated on the deepest level by viruses, possibly even man made. The level of self hatred I’ve internalized is also deeply disturbing to me. It’s also disturbing to realize since Covid, I’ve lived my whole adult life sick. I don’t actually know what it feels like to be a healthy adult, only a healthy child. My experience at the immersion, where I was in the field and not feeling pain anymore…was really trippy. It was the first and only time I felt myself without the experience of compounded chronic illness, CPTSD, and the general grief and victimhood I tend to hold energetically. I was quite literally a new person. I was so happy! This went away after the immersion ended. I’m ok with that. I know that to move the needle on my health permanently…I need quiet, alone time, time to meditate, nature, reading good books, doing the Medical Medium protocols and a stable routine done every day. I pray to be guided and attract a safe home, with nourishing food, and a situation that gives me enough space to relax. This is not the life I expected to live. I really wanted to be a mother. I wanted to also be an artist. But fate had other plans for me. I think my soul is capable of profound healing. Only because I have gotten profoundly sick…it is not the life I wanted but the life I was given, and I am trying to make the most of it by continuing to hold happiness and light inside of me. I feel in a way chronic illness is like a pressure that turns me into a diamond. Things are hard right now but maybe when I finally do heal one day, I can help others by being of service to them in some way.

🌹 excited to remember lightness in my body and ways I can cultivate that

I saw it was today 5pm Western Euro time, but now I don’t see a link to the call anymore

Ok, next time I'll comment that I'll be attending:)

Dear Amrita, I want to let you know that you are not alone. It is so scary, and I hope that your nervous system can regulate even in the midst of the sounds and feelings of bombs. There is a rich history of Women who have learned through creative measures how to navigate nervous system regulation in war zones. The artist Ana Mendieta is a huge inspiration to me. She made a series of Earth body sculptures where she dug “silhouettes” of the human body in soil, and then laid down in them for hours or even days at a time. Often the locations of these sites historically referenced extreme conflict. Her art inspired me in my hardest times to literally bury myself in the soil. You have to try it. As long as you feel safe to do so, go to the beach and dig. Dig deep. Dig so when you lie down, the walls of sand block out the sounds, so that the silence of the earth is more potent than the sky. Sit in there as long as you feel like it. I have found that as long as you go more than 2ft, you’re body as it makes skin to soil contact, is highly regulating. More regulating than breathing and routines. Because you are going back into the protective womb of the earth. In some cultures I have heard if a woman gets very ill, she will dig herself a “grave” and lay in it for days. The Earth decides if she truly wants her back or not. If the Earth’s wisdom knows that it is not your time yet, she will do everything to heal you so that you can walk out of that grave. I find this very beautiful. I did this two years ago when my body went into dorsal vagal shutdown after years of Epstein Barr wreaking absolute havoc on my brain and nervous system. I would also like to add, because there are such worldly powers around you, and you are in the middle of it, there is so much power in art making. It rewires and regrows your mental fortitude. When you are afraid to die because of circumstances not under your control, digging a “grave” for yourself takes the uncertainty of others deciding your fate out of the picture. There is power in having the sovereignty to decide your own “fate” so to speak in a therapeutic sense, god willing not a literal one. This is highly healing.