My lowest Harmony dimension: Social connections. I don't have any close friends, I've never had. At a very early age I decided that I couldn't trust people because the ones closest to me either died or left, abandoned me as my 5 year old saw it. And the only reasonable explanation I could think of was, it was my fault. So to protect myself from being hurt, abandoned, rejected, I didn't let anyone get close again. Wind-down pattern I noticed: I don't have a clear evening ritual. I usually go to bed around 9 pm. In bed I write in my gratitude journal and usually I also scroll on social media for a bit. I fall asleep within an hour. What I see is that the scrolling tends to be addictive. Morning pattern I noticed: I wake up around 7-7.30. I go to the bathroom and the back to bed for some doom scrolling. (That is a bad habit from when I retired and was training myself to not wake up/get up so darn early. I was working shifts and got up at 4 am on morning shifts and got to bed at 1 am on night shifts and that messed up my rhythm.) After like 1 hour I eat breakfast, eggs mostly, and check email on the laptop. That keeps me occupied for another hour or two. Then it's almost midday and I've not even started! I decided to close my open loop: I'm taking it step by step, but I will close it today Friday, because it will feel so good to get it done! I know I will eventually do it anyway and the longer I wait the harder it gets. Starting and finishing it, I know, will make me feel so relieved. What surprised me: The feedback from ADHD Awakening Assessment: "Look at your own numbers, Gunilla. Sevens, eights, a nine. And then one three. Every dimension you can manage on your own is holding steady, and the only one that requires another human being is on the floor. You even rated your environment a 9 while describing a house you've "lost control over" - the outside looks fine, the inside is where the clutter lives, and that is the whole shape of you in a single scoring sheet. Then there's the morning: 30 to 60 minutes in bed with the phone, then eggs and email. That isn't laziness. That's the safest hour of your day, contact with the world at a distance where nobody can find you disappointing and nobody can leave. Scrolling is company that can't reject you." Wow!!!

ADHD Awakening Assessment - The Truth About Your Brain I'm a counsellor and life coach and over the years have helped so many people unpack their 'stuff'. Now I am finally doing the part of my work that is just for me. I've done lots of inner work in the past but this is deeper and more profound. I've realised that my brain is running on an operating system that was external. If someone else needed something done I am so productive but if it's somethig for me it can wait. I was taught early by my grandmother who raised me that her needs were more important than mine. Promises to myself were allowed to be broken but chores for her were not.

Who else can't bring themselves to do the cold shower. I'm a big wuss when it comes to cold water. I want to but I just can't. 🥶