@Dani Rosenblad James my next non-fiction book is due out on July 1st. After that, I'm focusing on my fiction. I have four novels that are ready to be born.

@Dani Rosenblad James always on overload. But I kind of like it like that.

@Dani Rosenblad James OK. But who is talking to me? How would you describe your writing voice? Like, when I read Steinbeck, I can tell this was a man who had seen some things - up close and personal and live his life with the scars. Every good story has emotional roller coasters, but a J.K. Rowling emotional roller coaster has a different feeling from a Cormac McArthy roller coaster.

@Dani Rosenblad James ain't that the truth!

@Wolfram Grohnert This is by far the best feedback I've ever received: "Like listening to adjacent thoughts in someone else’s mind." 😯 Thank you so much!

@Wolfram Grohnert I'm glad you enjoyed your glimpse into Shawn's World.

Wait...WHAT?!?! Public speaking?!?! I need to do this....like, really, really need to do this. I'm most at home when I have a microphone and a captive audience. Some people love rollercoasters, others like skydiving. Me? Public speaking. When I retired from the Air Force, my plan was to start touring as a standup comedian - but my daughter had other plans. I must learn more.

I can see you're taking this seriously, so I'm going to give this The Wordsmiths' Guild treatment: Master Sergeant Reverend E.B. White feedback. This doesn't feel like a prologue. It feels like Chapter One. More importantly, you're trying to cash an emotional check before you've made a deposit. Jake dies before we've had enough time to know him. The result is that the scene feels melodramatic rather than tragic. Slow down. Let us live with this family. Give Jake flaws. Give the relationships friction. Let us discover why he is loved instead of telling us he is loved. Right now, the story keeps announcing emotions to the reader. Trust the reader more. Show us the trembling coffee cup, the unfinished sentence, the empty chair. Those details often carry more weight than paragraphs describing grief. One thing that kept nagging at me was that much of the story feels driven by "and then" rather than "therefore" or "but." Jake goes to get almonds. Then he gets hit by a car. Then he goes to the hospital. Then he dies. I'd like to see stronger cause and effect. Let the tragedy grow out of character. Give the events roots. One trick I've learned is what I call 3SDSD: Set-up, Set-up, Set-up, Diversion, Set-up, Delivery. Try not to rush to the payoff. It's easy to want the revelation, the kiss, the death, the battle, the twist. But readers usually need anticipation before they get satisfaction. Build tension. Give us expectations. Distract us. Build tension again. Then deliver. It's not the only way to structure a scene, but it's a reliable tool when a scene feels rushed. The raw material is here. A father dying in front of his wife and daughter can be devastating. But devastating scenes are earned through accumulation, not volume. Spend more time making us love Jake before you ask us to mourn him.

@Steven Cruz have you talked to @Dani Rosenblad James about doing one on one work?