I'm continuing my morning routine. Ooh! I just had something come to me!! "We don't need to get the trauma on board for us to move forward. We just need to get the traumatized parts on board" In other words, we don't NEED resolution or an apology or reconciliation, in order to move forward. But we DO need to make sure we bring those pieces of ourselves. These might be uphill days. But as long as we keep climbing, we are winning 🥰 Love you guys!

But.. do you actually DO it? I am a single mom. I don't have "family". I don't have people I can call on etc. So my case might be a bit extreme. But that's a good thing because it can hopefully be the example 😊 If YOU don't make time for YOURSELF, you won't get time for yourself. I'm literally downstairs in my place... did a workout via zoom.. balanced the laptop on back of loveseat 😅 But! It means I worked out! Anyway, I'm on a webinar and taking notes because it is resonating soo much! And I just wanted to say YOU matter!!! What makes YOU happy? That you can do right now? Love you guys!!

But it helped me tremendously this morning when it came to me, and I feel called to share in case it could help someone else. I've decided to slightly tweak the wording I'm telling myself from "I'm healing" (which I need to and I AM...) to "I'm upgrading my programming" I feel like the latter has so much more hope to it, without denying the pain that was caused in the first place. It validates our pain without making us stay there forever. And it validates why it takes me a LOT of effort to feel certain things others might get to take for granted. Such as safety. But again, it isn't saying that "because I received this programming, I am doomed to live in it forever." It ALSO isn't saying "this life is my fault". Because if you genuinely KNOW you are doing the absolute best you can, then it isnt your fault! But the exciting thing is there are things we can do to upgrade that programming, so that we CAN change our experience of living! I hope this gives even a glimmer of hope to someone that there IS hope! I love you!!

I am SO excited about this because I've been wanting and NEEDING to journal for so long but had so many resistances.. This is not only adhd "friendly" but I would say SUPPORTIVE and PRODUCTIVE!! Words that mean everything to my soul 😅🤣 So basically you put the date on the top right corner. Then the rest of the page, you "check in" with yourself. You put the current time and then write a line. The reason this is supportive particularly of adhd is we can EASILY forget within seconds.. Especially if we are by ourselves. So anyway, I've done the process today and I've not only gotten a lot done in the house (even though it doesn't FEEL like that), with LESS resistance!! Also, if I decide to more "formally" journal, I now don't have to try to remember the day... I can actually read through what happened! ALSO, you can use it to help your brain "ramp up" to tasks or appointments you have. Also, I've started using my sandtimer. Not even for specific things (I'm supposed to be "resting" 😅) but truly to help me see passage of time better. Now I do know that part of why I got so much "done" today is a lot of external circumstances. Kind of like if you work out and the sun is shining etc.. However, I see how this system will help me even on "cloudy" days (using the metaphor). This is DATA for me to see my EFFORTS. And with rsd etc, I need a lot of data. Anyway, give it a try! Love you guys!

So.. after a rough night and early morning, I'm deciding to try an experiment. So basically, from 9 am to 5 pm today, I'm going to spend 10 minutes every hour in my kitchen. I am going to stop for an hour for lunch. Here's the hard part that I think people without adhd won't understand and that's ok: I'm actually going to FORCE myself to STOP after each 10 minute timer goes off. Yes this is unnatural. YES, this is inefficient. But, this is the deal I have to make with myself. And in between the hourly 10 minute sessions, I can do whatever I want, meaning I can sit and just get lost... The rule is that the ONLY room I'm "working on" today is the kitchen. Why am I doing this?? Because I am already in a severe burnout. I just AM. I'm also dealing with health issues. But my BRAIN will not let me just "rest all day" right now. It just won't. So this is like a compromise. My body NEEDS to sit down a lot right now. But my brain and nervous system NEED to feel like I'm making SOME sort of progress. I am dealing with some very dark thoughts. So I NEED to feel like I'm taking charge of my place. It is so hard to explain but anyway I'm basically going to hyperfocus on my kitchen today but in short timed bursts. The metric for success is NOT: is the kitchen "done?" The metric for success is merely: did i spend 10 minutes on the kitchen every hour from 9 am to 5 pm, minus an hour for lunch? And also, did I go to my car (today will be day 51 of the streak!) And did i bring a grocery bag of trash to the dumpster on the way to my car? THEN, after I figure out dinner, I'm going to reward myself tonight with a movie I've been wanting to see and it turns out it is on and it is free!! And if you're reading this and thinking jeez you're making it harder... exactly. Thst is why I will never understand why people call us "lazy" We are the OPPOSITE of lazy. We work SO HARD just to even possibly function. So yes I've had to obsess a bjt on how I can possibly get my brain and body on board for this today. But the fact is I DID go to bed early last night. And I was wide awake at 10:30 pm.. 🥴