The Litany Against the Thing I Already Know Is Fear So today's article was supposed to be the next one in the reviews series — the blurb and cover piece, the Tuesday continuation — and I have had the doc open on the second monitor since about nine this morning and have not been able to make myself look at it. Not glance at it wrong, not open it and close it again, just — open, and untouched, the cursor blinking in the same spot it's been in for hours. It did not help that it was a weird day at the office, trying to be a good little customer service drone. I'm an IT geek for those who don't know. I fix things other people breack for a living and I am more than well and truly burned out and have been for years doing this. I spent most of the day telling myself it was ADHD. That's the convenient label, the one I reach for because it's true often enough that it covers for the times it isn't the real answer. I call it a superpower most days, and most days that's even true — the tangents turn into features, the rabbit holes turn into WCP, the 3am idea about continuity tracking turns into a shipped tool three weeks later. That part's real. But today isn't most days, and calling it ADHD today is a cop-out, because what's actually going on is closer to the other side of the coin nobody talks about as openly — the manic swing cresting and then dropping, and when it drops, it doesn't drop into "tired." It drops into this specific flavor of overwhelm where everything I'm supposed to do today stacks into one undifferentiated wall, and the wall has no door in it that I can find, and I sit there not writing and not resting either, just stuck underneath it. And I was sitting there today, stuck, trying to name what the stuck actually was instead of just calling it ADHD and letting myself off the hook, and the word that actually fit was fear. Not fear of the topic — I know what I think about reviews and blurbs, I've got opinions. Fear of just... starting. Fear that today, specifically, I don't have whatever it takes to make the words come out right, and if I open that doc and they don't come out right, that's data I'll have to sit with the rest of the day on top of everything else.