I have to start off by saying that after I did the Day 8 meditation for the Divine Mother, so many old memories and names resurfaced that I really started to feel the pull of the strong human desire to resume old patterns, habits, beliefs, stories, and so on. In this point of the challenge, I am really feeling the tug of war between old and new. I am not sure how well I am managing that tension. All I am doing so far is acknowledging everything that is coming up within, being curious about it and trying to minimize my resistance to it, which is temporarily pulling me through old habits. For me, it’s feeling the like the journey is transitioning from taking notes, journaling, going within, understanding, and the feedback loop of it all, to primarily being drawn inward (withdrawing so to say) and being faced this “battleground” to wade through tension and continue reaffirming a new magnetic version self (again, I’m not sure how well it’s going!). Aaron AI is helping me here when it says I can tell myself, “Ah, of course this part of me wants to go back. That’s what it knows.” Also acknowledging, “Is this little me? Is this the hyperindepdent, invisible one who feels unsafe and doesn’t want to be seen or exposed?” And then, “This discomfort is evidence that I’m becoming someone new. The tension between old and new is actually leverage which I can choose to use to catapult me into the new.” AI says that when the pull to the old is strong, ambiguity is its friend, and rather than be reactive and resistant, I can breathe, be grounded, be responsive, ask for help from the guides, and then choose small, specific ways to build up the new version of me. So what became of the Divine Mother? There were several childhood memories that have been impacting my sexuality for a long time. These are memories that I have never been able to feel safe telling anyone and yet have basically haunted me over the years by once in a while affirming old core beliefs. They distorted my understanding of how love actually manifests or feels between people. I would have grand difficulty with accepting compliments while at the same time yearning for validation as a ray of hope to disprove old beliefs. I would feel confused when receiving Christmas gifts; I would see the gifts as ceremonial obligations and politeness but not accept any possibility of loving intention behind those gifts. I would reject the version of love my mother showed me. This meditation left me looking into the past the entire rest of the day, connecting dots between key memories, and then redefining associated stories and beliefs based on the work I’d done with the inner child on Day 7. The big takeaway I got was to be more trusting of the universe and permit myself to be fully receptive to the universe’s blessings.

I heard that it’s okay to fall asleep during meditations from time to time, so luckily I was not alarmed or disappointed when falling asleep during today’s Zoom! It seems like the common thread between falling asleep after the breathwork in Sedona and the meditation today was that both events spent time connecting to my inner child. I believe there is something to that, though I can only guess for now why that is. I imagine my inner child struggled to feel safe, soothed, or nurtured across different age points and life stages? Did he have a hard time sleeping soundly back then? Is the neurological triggering of sleep a limbic defense mechanism or a healing modality? Though these questions are asked in the interest of understanding, in the end I believe the intentions I set forth and the willingness to change and become anew are more important. The outcomes/results will then work themselves out, hopefully to my advantage. Thanks to anyone who read this far :)

what an amazing call! Day 7 replay is UP! you can find the replay in the classroom in the challenge course area titled “21 Day Curriculum”, go to “Day 7: Healing Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles ” or use this link to go right to it: https://www.skool.com/highvibetribe/classroom/ced763b3?md=f46bc01564f04b76a52d7f08a6c463a2 today was about connecting to your own inner child dynamics between mom and dad, and beginning to learn how those reflect in different areas of your life often people focus on what they want…but what do you get to subtract from your life? what attachments have you been holding onto that have been keeping familiar type energies in your life? when you become aware of that attachment and you learn to let it go, that’s when you become free there’s a part of our own inner child, that wants to feel seen, heard, soothed, and nurtured many times, we will try to change the inner child… we’ll feel ashamed of it we don’t want it to feel what it’s feeling and the key to merging into more security inside of yourself is learning to have a more secure relationship with your emotions it’s having a more secure relationship with what you’re avoiding feeling. Feeling the fear, feeling the emotion, and expressing yourself allows the energy to release! Day 7 HW: 🧡what’s your BIGGEST insight from connecting to your inner child during the mediation from today’s call? 🧡what emotion came up? 🧡how can you begin to connect to your inner child more? 🧡begin to allow yourself to feel. connect to that child every single day, even for just 5 or 10 minutes a day share your insights in the comments below or make a post about it here! BTW, if you want to do more themed challenges on a monthly basis, learn to let go of your childhood patterns and become the MOST magnetic YOU…the SHIFT Academy is now OPEN! https://www.skool.com/highvibeschool/about

For almost my entire human life, I’ve had a hard time making sense of my youth. Long story short, my nervous system remembered a few key memories, suppressed some others, could still be hiding others, and either blocked out or forgot the rest of my childhood memories. When it comes to analyzing my childhood, especially of the period before parents divorced, I can feel a sense of dissociation fog up my headspace as if the brain or nervous system is wired to protect me from past pains. It feels like a matrix programming which seemed to need a secret key to unlock. Since a young age, it would make me feel inferior compared to other kids who could remember their pasts more easily and have plenty of stories to tell. I was much more quiet and confused in comparison. The incredible thing I noticed with Aaron AI is it noted some of the few memories I managed to recall and actually drew connections between them in a way I’d never seen before. I was able to see cause and effect in the memories for the first time, a leap from the scattered, confused perception I would have of seemingly isolated incidents. For a brief moment amidst the brain fog of dissociation, I could actually build my own childhood story based on a chronology that only started to come together due to the prompting and questions of the 21-Day Challenge. I identified the young boy’s newfound strength to stand up for himself and be strong when nobody else would be there for him, and then identified the very event that taught him to keep that “strength” to himself and never show it outwardly. I only just now noticed how suppressed (or repressed?) the masculine energy within has been. Some stories were made later on as if to agree with this initial father wound around visibility, assertiveness, fears of pain or rejection. I found a sexy revenge story in wanting to defy the outwardly pushy or aggressive nature of my abusive parents, wanting to “break the cycle” in the family lineage. This wouldn’t quite work out well in reality, as instead I would just be quiet, passive, strong on the inside but fawning on the outside for safety, feeling like I was performing so well but in terms of keeping people away from me. But as I got older, I would see how lonely that made me, leading to all kinds of inner strife. By 16-17 years, the pain got so bad that I wouldn’t hide it anymore. It would leak out in the form of cries for help. My family remained unsupportive all throughout. The betrayal wounds run very deep.

Joining this challenge now! The reason? I realizied that there are people who want to love me and I just can't let love in haha, tragic. But it will change now, booom!