Hello all. Mike here. Been in the Bay Area on and off for the past 12 years or so. I’m a software engineer, am engaged and waiting on a visa to process to move abroad to New Zealand. Despite leading a quite good life, I suffer from frequent and severe panic attacks and severe anxiety. This is all I’ve known for most of my life. I’ve tried various forms of therapy, medications, self medication and mindfulness tricks. I find lifting weights helps turn down the whirring in my brain, but that’s at best, temporary relief. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that a lot of my anxiety comes from a people pleasing tendency that I think originated from childhood. I remember trying really hard to be seen as the proper, adult like kid so that teachers and my parents would approve of me. In doing so, I feel like I lost out on a lot of friendships and a lot of childhood memories that most kids have who don’t care that much about getting in trouble. Though this has changed and I do have friends now, I feel like I still carry the burden to hold back whenever I’m trying to have fun. My hope is not to replace the lost childhood, but to learn to relax in a way that can be enjoyed by my adult self. I want to be able to relax fully and to be able to be present in the moment. Hopefully, I get to make some friends along this path. Mike

Thanks for the welcome all! Looking forward to discussing more with you all.