Usually when I get defensive I am unwilling to feel or communicate one of my emotions. Which of these do you think is the most common one that causes you or your partner to get defensive? Anger- Shame - Guilt - Fear - Lonely - Sad - Hurt -
Shame is the biggest for me for sure. Having ADHD and needing lists/gimmicks to remember basic stuff fills me with shame. I constantly feel dumb and inadequate, especially in direct contrast to my partner who keeps all the plates spinning without anything. I feel the need to defend myself while receiving feedback in these moments because I want to be adequate and it ends up doing the opposite. Then I feel more shame because I mess up messing up