After a ROUGH morning of once again being in fear confusion terror etc.. I used AI and got some information And the bottom line is, I texted daughter's dad and said that I am physically unable to do a full day of travel at this time. Which is all true. Yet I felt ashamed and scared. I also am extremely close to contacting an attorney. That STILL terrifies me but I am realizing more and more that is because her dad was abusive and coercive etc so it made my nervous system literally frozen. Doing EMDR, ALL these memories are coming back. It is ALL starting to make sense why I feel paralyzingly scared to even speak or ask for help etc But I can truly only hold it in for so long. And why should I have to?? I didn't do anything wrong! I SEE now how he fully took advantage of me. Especially my memory issues Why does it matter now? Because we might go to court. And I am terrified that my brain will freeze and/or I will start crying But that is BECAUSE he was abusive. And it is all starting to make sense. AND it is still terrifying 😅 But that being said, I am telling the truth. Love you guys!

This was not easy for me..but it is me walking that walk...crawling that crawl haha! https://youtu.be/9uV2eB2ewaU?si=I7-tQLQNqszq4adT

Good morning, Conquerors!! How is everyone this morning? Last night was night 14 of Operation Dreamland🥳 I'm not even saying I slept well or slept enough. But I'm realizing that it is better right right now, for me to be IN bed by 10 pm every night, and not concern myself with those other details. I realize that when I did that, it then discouraged me from going to bed at a reasonable time And the fact is, daughter is still here. What I mean is, as summer is approaching, a part of me is like oh we can relax the rules (I made for myself) a bit. But in REALITY, that would be shooting myself in the foot. Anyway! That being said, I'm stating this so I STAY on this course I'm on, at least until May 30. Feel free to hold me accountable! That being said, it is 6:07 here Woke up around 4 something but turned on meditations. Here's a tip, and I feel like I can offer it because I'm doing it: anytime you're struggling and you're about to take a healthy step (drink of water, listen to meditation, etc) and you might have a part of you that is like "this isn't going to work why bother?", just tell yourself- well, it won't hurt me further. This way, you don't allow your current state (in my case, intrusive thoughts) to dictate your whole day. Because your CURRENT state IS NOT in alignment with your highest good. Example: I woke up early with intrusive thoughts fears etc... I thought ok I will turn on affirmations.. and the CURRENT thought (at the time) was like "that won't work". But I did it anyway. Hope that makes sense! That being said, it worked! Meaning, even if i don't feel an immediate difference, the fact that I TOOK the step of turning on a meditation is a vote for the identity and thought patterns that I WANT!! ok! So it is now 6:13 am Goals for rest of this hour: *do daily tapping *drink some water There is a zoom at 10 am I want to attend. So the fact is, there is 4 hours nearly before that starts. What I'm going to DO is work through my morning routine between now and 10 am:

Currently 6:30 am here. I've done some meditations (daughter's alarm goes off at 5:30 so sleeping in isn't currently an option), but I'm figuring out how to truly make the best of it. And realizing I can utilize that time to turn on affirmations etc. Ok.. from 7-8 am, my goals are: *get up *drink water *prep a coffee with protein powder *take vitamins *go for short walk listening to affirmations From 8-9, goals are: *shower *get ready for 9:00 appt Love you guys! Feel free to post and/or comment any plans goals tasks etc that you have. And if I can help in any way!