@Monika Richrath Hi Monika I don't know about the gene key but i have read about certain people who have suffered all their lives and for some they didn't see it that way at the beginning == they were just surviving the trauma == but as we come into consciousness, first ego and then something deeper, the truth begins to appear and it hurts so much it can only be called suffering == emotional, psychological, sometimes physical and/or sexual== and this usually starts in childhood and there is no way out due to the conditioning that goes with the abuse, due to the power of the perpetrator and/or co-conspirators, the presence of evil, or the blindness and deafness of those who refuse to see or rescue. I don't know how one can think horrible pain and suffering was chosen in a pre-birth plan or whatever, but I know some spiritual leaders teach that, and it may be what provides a way forward, but I just want to say I feel for you and admire your courage in sharing.

I enjoyed your critical look at your first teacher, Justin, and I think it's wonderful that you had these years and these experiences with a leader who had a vision of shared higher consciousness, learned what he knew from a great guru, and wanted to give it to others and create a community of people living as their highest selves, or Selves. Those who learned and walked away, like yourself, are, in your way, trying to create it again so that it can be sustained, this time, and I think that's wonderful too, although it may not be the way forward because as Andrew had to learn the hard way, not everyone can go there, not all who join the group have the capacity to expand, experience, envelope a higher consciousness, or go through the portal as it were, or escape the bounds of time, or have the higher experience without getting afraid and running away, because it is beyond the normal human experience, it is another world where genuine collective consciousness exists, and the leader needs to know it well enough to invite others in and take care of them there. I mean, that's what all of these followers want, is to be shown the way and be taken care of too, and maybe Andrew didn't take good enough care of those he invited in. And there are other gurus known for this same kind of neglect, after you're hooked, then they ignore you and insult you and tell you you haven't learned a thing and shit like that or they tell you it's time to go find your own way forward and they kick you out of the ashram or the community. [This is probably the wise thing to do.] Or if they like you they may recruit you into their inner circle, but you have to serve them and not get too big for your britches or you're out, and while you're in, other disciples get resentful of your privilege and more and more ego energy enters the sphere. I'm not sure what I'm talking about except this: It may not be sustainable to have an authentic spiritual community living in shared higher consciousness. it's almost like these experiences come once for a certain period and then one has to find their way forward from there, which is wandering, cave-dwelling, a monastery or back to the guru who was one's original teacher, or his original teacher or you're thrown back into the world current and have to survive a kind of fall back to earth and near drownings. We all wanted a community of people living in love and higher consciousness. You may be one of the lucky ones who got it for a while. And I'm sure it wasn't all roses all the time, because people know how to live as humans but not as beings -- they need a teacher for that, who is also half human.

@Tom Valovic Yoga became a commercial enterprise long ago. If I want to go stay at Sivananda Ashram in the Bahamas now it costs me $160 a night to stay in a cabin-like dorm and the courses are lots of hundreds of dollars on top of that and the vegetarian cuisine is mediocre at best AND for years and years (about five decades) they dumped their plastic water bottles in the ocean, as they had no filter installed there, and everybody had to drink from plastic, and we threw our bottles in the blue bins, but the bins got dumped in the ocean. (I found that out through investigative journalism) and what we paid for our drinking water in the on site store -- not included in pricing for our stay -- was about five bucks per bottle, and we drank two or three a day -- 150 of us) this money COULD have paid for recycling! These crimes are not "seen" by the self-realized people who live and work there, including the swamis. This makes the whole thing a sham and a complete rip off but people still go -- they are often at maximum capacity. Lord what fools we mortals be.

well, maybe not completely understood. Thank you for engaging.

@Sara Paterson There's a great book by Jose Saramago called The Gospel According to Jesus Christ which supports this view of "Jesus, as an ordinary man [who] just 'got it' and taught 'it' and accepted, in those times, that he might be killed for his beliefs. " It is an amazing read.