What 🏗 Constructive 🏗 Feedback Do You Have for This 🚧👷♂️ Work in Progress? 👷♂️🚧
I really feel the need to get this story out into the world so it can help people through its moral lesson--not only kids, but also their parents and teachers--but I want to make sure it's quality in the process. What can I improve about this opening (comment below), and which version do you like better of the two (poll)? (Oh, and can you guess what the moral will be?) 👩 Cinderella 👩 and the 🪽 Fairy 🪽 🤵 Oddfather: 🤵 An Offer She 🚫 Can't 🚫 ✋️ Refuse 🤚 (Or Can She?) A comedic retelling of the classic fairy tale, adapted by John Andrew Lang and Kris Jim Murdock Version 1 (Narrative): Work, toil, sweat! Work, toil, sweat! Never done, never good enough. Would it never end? Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Ella who had no time to do anything except chores day in and day out for her stepsisters and stepmother, who never did any work themselves and never showed any appreciation for her help. She barely even had time to sleep at night. It had been that way ever since her father’s death. Without him around to stand up for her, the stepmother and stepsisters made her do everything around the house, including cleaning the ashes and cinders from the fireplace. She always got cinders all over her dress, her hands, her feet, and even her face, just like confetti at a birthday party. Except she never got invited to birthday parties. And it didn’t look bright and colorful; it looked dingy and dirty and messy. And nobody picked it up and threw it at her like confetti. They felt plenty mean enough to do that, but they didn’t want to get their own hands dirty. Sometimes one of the stepsisters picked up the whole cinder bucket and dumped it on her, though, which meant not only that poor Ella got even filthier than before, but also that she had to redo all her fireplace cleaning. Then both stepsisters and the stepmother chuckled and chortled and cackled and gackled and hooted and hollered with laughter until their faces turned as red as sunburnt lobsters in the Red Sea (if it were actually red). and tears ran down their faces. And down her face, too, of course.