Lately it’s been very hard for me to meditate/pray. Especially praying and believing for things I want. Because my thinking is that everything is already planned for my life; everything happens exactly as it should. Has anyone experienced this before and how did you pull yourself out? I want to be able to dream and set major goals again and actually believe they’ll happen for me in real life.

I just want to take a moment and welcome you all. You’re not here by accident , I personally invited each of you because I believe in what we’re building together and I trust the people in this space. You already know me. You’ve sat with me in ceremony, in sessions, in the hard and the beautiful moments. This is just a new container for us to continue that work and to go even deeper together. This is your home here. Show up as you are. Introduce yourself below even if we know each other well, let the community hear your voice. Who are you right now, in this chapter?

I had terrible back pain since childhood, like 7 years old. Which is weird because why would a child have back pain? There was nothing I could do to heal it and adults didn’t really believe me. Which led me to yoga in my teen years, then I spiraled down a spiritual path from there when I completed my 200hr yoga teacher certification. My parents are pastors so I always had a strong faith in God thru Christianity. Everything really changed for me when I was 25. My boyfriend at that time was very spiritual and he taught me so much. Unfortunately he was killed in a car accident and my world has never been the same. That accident and losing him really made me question God. And why He would allow something so tragic to happen to the man I wanted to marry and to someone so wonderful. And from here my spiritual journey really took off. I got married just 5 months after his accident however, I never stopped working a job and never properly grieved. But the weirdest part is I think losing him was probably the best thing to happen to me. That tragedy woke me up. In the years since I’ve been pulled toward so many things. Crystals, connecting with ancestors, moon rituals etc. I’ve also had two children so that connection to life and growth has only heightened my spiritual world. My second child was a surprise and not really one I wanted so I had a hard time with that. I started working with Ari in 2021 and she has helped me tremendously. I worked with her to experience plant medicine for my 33rd bday. And since then my back pain has slowly healed, I can actually feel connection to my spine and Kundalini fire flow within me among other incredible benefits. And now I’m just in a weird place because I feel like I’ve been in a fog and this is the first time in my life that I’m seeing and thinking clearly. But still showing grace and appreciation for past me who survived. I’m having a hard time with the church because while I still identify as a Christian, churches seem so lost. Especially after plant medicine where I saw how massive God is, I feel like the churches I’ve been to teach limited thinking. I don’t even like referring to God as He anymore. This is hard because I do want my children to have a strong faith foundation like I did from church.