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The Living Room
31 members • Free
11 contributions to The Living Room
May 5 •
The Wait .Vs. The Weight of Marriage
Everyone wants to be at the top of the mountain, but no one wants to walk through the valley. An old saying, but a true statement. In the journey of becoming and obtaining what we desire the most for ourselves… we realize it will also require the most of ourselves! For some of us that may be a career change, pursuing more education, starting a business, deciding to have children, or the biggest one: deciding to get married! The Wait .vs. The Weight of Marriage As I’ve gotten older, I feel like I’ve had an epiphany about “the wait of marriage” (the when) versus “the weight of marriage” (the work). Many of us have had our dream wedding planned since we were kids, it was glamorized and made a focal point for spiritual purposes (no shacking up, “be fruitful and multiply “ ). Although admirable, the longing and the pressures of society as well as our “biological clocks” made the waiting (for right person, for right time, etc) unbearable. Some of us have given up or have made peace with the idea of never marrying. Meanwhile there are the proud and the few who have become hyper focused into the solitude of singleness, which the bibles says “ is a gift to those who understand it” lol. With that said, I’d like to shed some light with myself and others who may be reading my perspective by saying…there is worthiness in both. I choose to believe that I am worth the wait (the time it takes to prepare myself in becoming a wife one day- the time it takes to be pursued) and I am worth the weight ( the work that it requires to show up daily in a marriage). Both require understanding yourself intimately: self love, self care, self first. Both require knowing your strengths and areas of growth. Both require communication and commitment. Both require a version of you that is willing to invest until you can ensure. We are not waiting to stand in love with someone who love us more than we love ourselves, we are waiting for someone who can love us as much as we love ourselves because the love they have for themselves compliments the love we now have for each other.
Apr 19 •
Men's mental health
Do we make way to much to do about men's mental health to the point of handicap the manly sport of endurance? Are we focusing on requirements of men feeling before required training to overcome life challenges with endurance? Can men teach ladies to be better women? If not how are women teaching boys 2 be men? While excellent questions are a start, without actions, follow through and endurance to see achievements to the end it's still a moot point. While reading above could seem random, men reading this will see and understand what is said as well as what isn't. Thanks for the space. Chief Hughes 🤠
1 like • May 5
I think it’s an interesting question to ask, “ Do men teach women how to be women (feminine) ? Then how is it that women teach men how to be men?” From my perspective there is an answer. Children both male and female are born of a woman. The nurturing and raising of the children is primarily from the mother. Hypothetically, she has to be a woman of character and integrity to know what values she expects to see in her son. The type of men she allows in her life- around her children are influential. Now if we assume both parents are together, then we also expect dual parenting in one form or another, we can also expect the son to learn most of his masculine qualities from his first example of what a man should be…his father. Yet that is assuming he has a a father who is present in his life- present (showing up or living with) not performance (child support or unkept promises). Then if not from his father then maybe from his uncles, and we would expect that they are positive role models with respectable qualities that you would pass on to a growing young boy. However , I think all of these are just different variables of family dynamics…which is important because the type of man that boys grow up to be is tied to not only the type of man who was present, but the type of man his mother saw in him and helped nurture him to become! She set the standard for who he is the moment she explained who he is to her…my son! If her cup is bittersweet, so will his thirst for the things he allows in his life. And yet there are individuals who come from unspeakable backgrounds and have overcome and grew into a version of themselves that you would never tie back to that kind of parent! Thanks for sharing and allowing me to.
Feb 26 •
📍 Goals Don’t Happen in Straight Lines
We love the top version. Set a goal → Achieve it.Clean. Linear. Instagram-worthy. But if we’re honest? Most of our lives look like the bottom picture. Starting. Learning. Doubting. Failing. Practicing. Feeling lost. Struggling. Getting it. Almost quitting. Trying again. Then finally… achieving it. And sometimes achieving it differently than we imagined. Can we normalize this? Because too many adults quietly think: “If it’s this messy, maybe it’s not meant for me.” But what if the mess is the path? What if doubt isn’t a stop sign — it’s a phase?What if feeling lost means you’re actually stretching? What if struggling is evidence you care? Let’s talk. Drop one goal you’re currently in the messy middle of. Not the polished version.The real version. This is The Living Room.We can tell the truth here.
0 likes • Apr 9
This map is what they should have taught us in school lol! It’s realistic, because somehow we are given pathway plans for success without the underlying life factors that could happen and delay us from achieving our goals. It’s like we know it’s a possibility but we don’t consider it at all until it happens. Society pressures us to be or do this and that by a certain age to show that you had “arrived or accomplished “ in life and if you don’t, then you’re a failure and have missed the mark! The value isn’t in the achievement- it’s in the growth and progress you made along the way to achieve a goal. We never learned to revamp the plan, instead we quit . We never normed on shifting our approach and give ourselves grace by a flexible timeline so that it’s more achievable. Because the truth is that it doesn’t matter WHEN we achieve our goals, it matters that we DO!
0 likes • Apr 9
I think it’s also important to note that those goals or milestones in our life shouldn’t be validated by others! Your life, your timeline, your goals is all about you- yet we seek approval and praise from outside ourselves! Are we living for us or others? How can we do all the work to know and love ourselves but never see and validate ourselves? Like “ Great Job Katurah! Girl I’m so proud of You!” 👏🏽 I should be the first person to celebrate me!
Apr 8 •
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month
It’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month. This morning, we’re holding space for a real conversation—about prevention, about resources, and about what healing actually looks like. Because in our work, we know that what happens to us doesn’t stay in isolation… it shows up in our bodies, our relationships, and our ability to feel safe. So today, we’re talking about it—with care, with intention, and without shame. 🖤 If this is something you’ve experienced, you’re not alone.And if you’re supporting someone who has, this conversation matters too.
1 like • Apr 9
Good morning fam! Thank you so much for THIS conversation because of the weight in truth that it carries. As a victim of sexual assault (in my college years), now looking back, I think the primary reason why I didn’t report is because I didn’t want to admit that it happened to me! 🥹 I swore to myself that I would never be “that girl”- taken advantage of, finding myself in a situation like that and I tried to be intentional about making safe choices as I was raised to - like my mindset was “ I can control this from happening to me and if I don’t, then it’s my fault.” However, over the years, I’ve met and listened to many other people’s experiences, which made me realize that not only could it happen to anyone, but that it was never in my control! Most people are victimized by someone they know rather than a stranger. The access to me, I didn’t have healthy boundaries, I was too accessible. We live in a world that is highly sexualized and being a person of color- we have always been sexually exploited in one way or another: family talking about your weight or how your body is maturing, dressing you inappropriately for your age, making body jokes, sexual projections “ she’s fast” or “ he has big “D” energy”, physical touch that is inappropriate or borderline sexual, etc. The root of it all isn’t just about “respect me, my mind and my body,” it’s also “protect me, my mind and my body!” Sadly, many of us were not protected and in fact exposed to someone else’s sexual behaviors, advances, conversations, games that caused us to be victims. We should normalize establishing healthy boundaries- especially with family and friends of the family. We should normalize owning your voice, the power of speaking up for yourself, owning your truth and believing in you because that was another fear I had. I was such a social butterfly and had no stage fright, but was afraid to report because I felt no one would believe me because even I didn’t want to believe it.
0 likes • Apr 9
@April Autumn thank you 🥲🥰🫂💜
Jan 28 •
Luxuries...
Every living room has something on the wall that makes you pause. This one felt like it belonged here. Which one of these feels like luxury to you right now?
0 likes • Apr 9
A quiet mind
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