Morning thoughts – brain chatter This morning my thoughts are all over the place. The closer I come to leaving, the more little things I’m trying to remember that I need to take care of. I know my deep thoughts are being blocked because of all the brain chatter. So if you would like an inside look at what my brain is going through this morning, I will just do my brain dump here. What if I sleep in and miss my flight. How many alarms should I set and where should I stay that night. Lucy invited me there, but I have to hope I still wake up in time. The weather was supposed to snow, but it looks like it’s going to be nice now. Do I have to allow for weather or rush-hour traffic? How much time should I actually leave to get to the airport? Well, I’m not really going to the airport because I’m going to park at Skyview Parking so I need to allow an extra half hour to get me there. If the border patrol refuses to let me into the United States, how does that affect my plane ticket? Would I be able to use it to get to Dallas as a back up? But then it also affects my parking and insurance so do I get refunds? I’ll have to check with the people working and ask them how that works. But then why am I worrying about this because is that me accidentally manifesting having problems getting into the US? I have to go to the storage locker. Do I just go there right now first thing in the morning or do I wait until after rush-hour is over? Will I be able to charge my iPad once I get there because the plug-in isn’t right next to my unit, but then if I pull an extension cord, will they get mad at me? I have to remember to take all liquids out of my car because I don’t want them to freeze if the temperature gets too cold while I’m gone. I must remember my sandals that are buried in the floor of my car because if we have good weather I only have my boots. Is the best way to bring the Harvest Snaps (Canadian snack) for Kimberly in a Ziploc, or should I poke a hole in the bag to let the air out and then tape it shut because that would still be an original packaging? That might be the better option. When I get to my storage unit should I attempt to take the table down by myself and use it to sort out the paperwork so it’s done and off my mind because all the paperwork is something that takes up a little bit too much space rent free in my brain? And what if I find some paperwork or my journals that I want to bring with me? Oh that reminds me - I need to grab a notebook out of my storage locker because mine’s almost used up. Oh, and I need a couple pens as well because my purple pen ran out. It did come in a multi pack with blue. I don’t really want to use the blue pen but I have like 20 of them so I need to go grab a couple. Where will I end up having my afternoon zoom for Digital Growth Community Builders because the zoom is at noon and I don’t know if I’ll be done at my storage locker by then. But I don’t have to be at the library until 3pm for the room that I booked. I guess it’ll just have to depend on how my locker goes. But I should be listing my Dyson air purifier before I leave. Will I have time to list and sell it? I am going there Monday or maybe I can just list it for the weekend and then I can take it off the list when I go away. Which reminds me - I have to put all of my postings on hold after this weekend because I won’t be here and there’s nothing major left other than the kitchen cabinets. I could sell them when I’m gone but they haven’t had any interest whatsoever. Okay, I’ll take those off Marketplace too. When I get back, should I assemble the kitchen cabinets when I post them because some people want to see what they look like? I think they’re not selling because they’re still in the box. People are visual and need to see them. Maybe that’s what’s going on. But if they’re assembled, then they’re not new in the box. It’s a catch 22. I really don’t feel like assembling cabinets, but I’ll worry about that when I get back. But then how big of a deal is it really because I’m paying for the storage unit anyways, so if the cabinets fit in who cares? But I would still really like to get rid of them. There’s stuff in my unit that I actually don’t need that is for sale. I don’t want to run into an issue if I do end up moving somewhere that I’m going, “Oh damn I have these stupid cupboards I have to get rid of.” And then I’ll end up just donating them after I went through all the trouble of storing them for seven years. Why do we have so much stuff? Mind you I did buy them for a purpose. I just never got that purpose done because of all the bad decisions I’ve made in my life. I’m not going down that abyss… I don’t have time for that and that’s not what this brain dump is about. That’s a whole different brain dump. But then I think my bad decisions were the best decisions I could make at that time with the knowledge and resources that I had. Now that I know better, I can do better. So maybe when I go to my storage locker and actually look inside and see what I have, I can say, “Hey, if I have to move again (because I know I will eventually have to move again), what do I absolutely not need here - and I don’t need the cabinets. I don’t want them because they’re not solid wood and I want solid wood.

Morning thoughts - To Do Lists I don’t even know where this one’s going to go. My morning thoughts were more like a giant To Do List today. The good thing about a To Do List, is you can write it down to get it out of your head - Journal✔️ - Shower✔️ - Tatiana‘s workshop✔️ - Farmers market✔️ - Call Janelle re: insurance - Storage locker - Empty car - List a few things for sale - Ensure there’s enough room for everything from the car in the storage locker for my next visit before going to the airport - Do Jennifer Dawn’s workbook and message her with feedback - Update my summit speaker chart, and give all speakers an update as to when the summit will be Like most people, I already know I have too much on my To Do List to accomplish today. I haven’t even got out of bed and I already cancelled my library room for this afternoon because I know there’s no way I can be back in time. I also know I am missing another workshop today because my schedule is too heavy. The timing doesn’t always work out so thank goodness for replays. I’ve already done a zoom about things not going as planned, but it’s still important to plan. If I had no direction, I would get absolutely nothing done. So when I write my list, it’s a guide with a lot of flexibility installed. When I was in a coaching session with Jennifer Dawn, she said she also struggled with her To Do List. Her trick is to still have the To Do List, but only put three of the things on your calendar at a time. When you have 20 things to do, it can be very overwhelming and you end up getting nothing done but doom scrolling because it can paralyze you. By only writing three things on your calendar, it feels very doable. When you’re done with those three, you can add three more. Although I have a full day on my To Do List, I’ll just write journal, shower, and Tatiana’s workshop in my calendar. That I can handle. It’s also all completed by noon. Then I’ll add my next items which would be farmer’s market and U-Haul. When I’m at the storage unit, I will look at the list of all the stuff I need to do while I’m there. Then I will head to the rec centre and complete my computer stuff.

Morning thoughts – Vulnerability Vulnerability is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I have always been so afraid of judgment, other people‘s opinions, not being perfect, doing it wrong… Without vulnerability, it’s impossible to be authentic. When we are afraid of judgment, it’s because we are following societal norms because we want to belong. Belonging is a basic emotional need as it was survival to fit in and not be ejected from our tribe. If you watch little kids, they sing and dance their hearts out - they just are. It’s only when someone tells them something negative that the seed is planted - that they’re not good enough, not smart enough, or that they simply can’t do something for one reason or another. As soon as we are born, we’re put into a box. And that box has rules determined by our country, our culture, our family – and everything they represent. I often wonder how my life would have been had I been born into a different family, or in a different country. But then I also believe we choose our family when we come to earth. They are here to help us grow. I remember in grade 8 I wanted to learn how to play the drums. I brought a practice drum home from school and immediately sarcastic comments were being made towards me, before I so much as tried it. The result - I decided not to join the band option at school. I’ve also never touched a drum stick since. To this day I tell myself that I would not have been able to play the drums because I’m tone deaf. I don’t even know if I’m tone deaf because I’ve never focussed on trying to play an instrument. In grade 5, the music teacher was forming a choir, and my friend asked me to try out with her. She sang in church all the time - I never had. I didn’t make the choir, not because anyone told me directly that my voice wasn’t good enough, but because the teacher simply chose certain students - no different than trying out for a sports team - there are more students trying out than positions available. Still, I told myself I wasn’t any good and couldn’t sing. Since then, I don’t sing. I even try to avoid singing the national anthem at sporting events or “Happy Birthday” at parties, afraid people will think my voice sounds terrible. Thankfully, I am slowly getting over that.

Morning thoughts: Gratitude Yesterday my morning thoughts about the ego - mine in particular. Today I woke up in pure gratitude. With everything going on, you would think I would have less to be grateful for, but the opposite is true. The appreciation and gratitude I have for the little things has expanded beyond what I ever could have imagined. In my old gratitude journals, I found it hard to think of things other than the basics – I was grateful for my home, my cat, my kids, our food… But I always struggled to come up with stuff that wasn’t repetitive. I know I was in survival mode then, and now realize sometimes we forget the things to be most grateful for are the tiny things. It’s the opposite of death by 1000 cuts. The big things are there, but they don’t have as much impact as all the little things combined. Today whenI woke up, I had such gratitude for the little things. It wasn’t about being grateful for clothes, it was about being grateful for wool socks to keep my feet warm. And being so snug in my sleeping bag that I had to take those same socks off because of how toasty I was. It was about having a car, a safe place to park, $20 for gas, a nice chicken Caesar salad, safe drinking water, access to power at the rec centre, a library card that includes printing, clean clothes, a down jacket, a friend’s place to shower at. I’m grateful for being warm and cozy in my car, every item I sell even if it’s for $20. I’m definitely grateful for things like my iPad and my phone that allow me to do business online. I appreciate my map picture I use for my virtual background on my zooms so I can work from anywhere and bring my favorite map with me virtually. I’m grateful there’s free parking at the rec center, for plumbing and running water, flushable toilets. For toothbrushes, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, paper towels, regular towels. All the things we use everyday and don’t give it a second thought. I was super grateful for my dolly idea in the storage unit. I’m grateful I thought to make a video so I can share it with other people who struggle when they need something in the back of a storage unit.

It’s been a day of ups and downs. The most stressful part of the day - Toronto Blue Jays and LA Dodgers playing the 7th game in the World Series going into extra innings. It would’ve been worth all the stress had the Blue Jays won, but that did not go as planned. Ugh. But congratulations if you are a Dodgers fan. Another crazy fact, I’ve been on this crazy adventure for about the same amount of time as is left in 2025. I’m going to make these last two months count. If the past two months are any indicator of how fast your life can change, the next two are going to be interesting. In a previous post, I was talking about struggling to choose what food to eat. I have figured this out. I go to the grocery store and buy a fresh chicken Caesar salad. Sometimes I even add a cheese bun from the bakery. If they’re out of salads, I get a premade roast beef sandwich at the deli. I also can get a baked potato at Wendy’s, which is across the street from the rec center. I am enjoying my meals, and I’m not eating fast food. Every once in a while I shuffle it up, but this has easily worked into my routine, and I love a good Chicken Caesar salad. The weather is still beautiful, and I am beyond grateful for that. It’s allowed me to stick to a routine. Sometimes that is what we need. Another challenge I definitely need to overcome is creating videos and editing the zooms I’ve already completed. I am so far behind. I know for both what I need is practice - that is the only thing that is going to help me. I need to break it down into bite-size pieces. I know I’m trying to eat the elephant all at once. I’ve also started journalling more and it’s helping me with some major breakthroughs. It definitely helped me to figure out that surrendering to the outcome is the secret. I knew that, but I didn’t practice it. I guess it happens when you’re ready, and now I’m ready. What outcome are you going to surrender to today?