tweaked what i want a bit looking for physical and financial freedom to do whatever i want when i want to do it… what 210 lbs ripped and shredded how 30 min every day not negotiable what 2,000,000 practice annual revenue targeting $150,000/mo how each week i see 8 really cool patients who happily pay me $6500 in full in exchange for a beautiful dynamic smile what supplemental income 10,000/month: day trading, investment games of chance 10,000/month plus all expenses paid lecturing/speaking

From one week of using my field notebook I noticed that I had low self esteem for a long time. I wasn’t really confident with who I am and what I can do. It was easy for me to doubt myself or feel uncertain about my life. It was also easy for me to live in fear. My mind often went on autopilot, thinking about my 3D circumstances with an uncertainty of how everything could work out. My thought patterns have repeated: “Money wasn’t easily earned, attainable, and safe to keep”, "loving and trusting someone was not safe”, “I could lose everything I gain.” My inner conversations were clearly stating the opposite of what I desired. It was easy to not see the good in everything I have, and to also be grateful for it. There was a day I had to catch myself while I was complaining and rewrite the script in my mind to something positive. There were also days where I felt bored of living a low dopamine lifestyle and returned to instant gratification. However with instant gratification it only causes more doubt and fear to occur in my life. Although getting back into the topic of fear. I noticed that I may be fearful of the unknown, and leaving the old identity behind. My old identity has been trying to keep itself alive, while my new and real identity is screaming for me to be it. I could be afraid of getting out of my comfort zone because I have to leave what I was familiar with. I also haven’t seen myself as a happy person. For a long time I have portrayed myself as a serious, unloving, and unapproachable person. People have reflected this throughout my life because I presented myself that way.

I’ve come to realize how hard it is for me to handle uncertainty. I’ve noticed how my body reacts and sends out signals of stress and anxiety. Over the period during which I kept my journal, I noticed how much I want to get rid of uncertainties and how my body craves instant gratification and wants to eliminate unpleasant feelings and situations as quickly as possible. This dynamic has shown me just how much I’m caught up in external circumstances. Depending on what happens to me, I tend to react rather than act. As I wrote down my fear and my reaction to it, and reflected on what I’d written, I realized that I create this fear within myself. This gave me a sense of control and showed me that it is an artificial feeling, not a real one, because it has no lasting power unless I allow it to. I am centered when I focus on what is essential. My core. Who I am and what I want to embody here and now in my reality. When I connect with something. Something greater and deeper.

I used my AM journal to write 2 words to describe my target identity for each day. Just from that alone, I learned more of what I need. Many days my target identity included the word "calm," which helps me realize that a lot of the time, I am not calm. Using the journal helped me be more aware of the times I felt like reacting. I did react a couple of times earlier in the week, but less as the week progressed. I successfully stopped myself from reacting several times, but I did not write them down in my journal. I carried both journals around with me for days and then I got a little lazy because I wasn't reacting, so I set them down on the table. Now both notebooks are back in my pocket and staying there. I am a lot more calm than when we first started. Especially since before Chronicles. I'm looking forward to week two and leaving my comfort zone.

Field Notebook experience Week 1