Nearly 3 hours in the chair yesterday to get a new tattoo. In two weeks time the scene will be extended right round my arm. I love it.

It’s absolutely and completely crippling me, and one of the biggest things I’m struggling with. I’m gonna be super open and vulnerable here, and so I do apologize for any rawness or negativity. Growing up, I’ve always been small. Smallest dude in my family. Playing sports I was too skinny. I got muscle, then I was too short. I lost weight from grief, and now I was too short and too skinny. I struggle with really really bad body dysmorphia, and it’s one of the reasons why I rarely send pictures of myself or my outfits here, because of how harshly I judge myself in them. I think the main reason it stems, though I’m no psychology expert, is from feeling helpless, tiny, and worthless as a kid. Growing up with a neglectful, covertly narcissistic dad, I was his golden child. And so love was conditional. I did one thing wrong, silence for days. My family, they had titles for us. And so desperately I wanted to be seen. To have something that separated myself from the rest. Whether it was athletics, music, anything, I was desperate to be seen for who I was, instead of an extension of my dad. I was so sick and tired of being ignored. Being told my reality wasn’t real. And being gaslit. And having seen and experienced a lot of physical abuse myself, and being powerless to stop it, and stop it against those I love, hurts me too. My stepbrother and I were both physically picked on by my dad. And when my stepbrother hit his growth spurt and grew to six foot two, he got left alone and my dad stopped hurting him. But I stayed the same height, and size, and where I was. And so it didn’t stop for me. Now this was long ago, and I escaped it. I stood up to him finally and built a life for myself. I’m safe now, and away from all of it. But it still hurts me. And honestly it stems in this insecurity about my height. I’m the smallest guy I feel no matter where I go. The gym. Church. Church especially. There’s this mold for how guys are supposed to look like. And they’re always tall. I don’t mean to sound like a victim saying this. But it’s frustrating feeling like you won’t be someone’s first pick.

Have any of you guys tried using AI to see how clothing looks on you, before you buy something? Its great. You plug in a Pic of yourself, a Pic of the clothes you want to try on, and you can see it on you before you buy it. Or, if you have a closet full of clothes you can make a weekly wardrobe selection I used my vacation pic, and generated a whole spring/summer and fall/winter wardrobe.

My buddy Steve Giles called this color of gaberdine trousers Cary Grant grey. That made me chuckle but I get it. This classic deep double forward pleat is a staple design that I picked up several months ago from him. I am wearing it with a Brooks Brothers wine shirt, cashmere socks and my 1982 Alden Shell Cordovans. Cheers

Let’s try this again. I attempted to post this earlier, but it seems to have disappeared. I grew up in a family who made their living from the land; logging, fishing, and farming. There was a period where the only reason we had meat on the table and fresh meat and vegetables was my grandpas ability and willingness to pass down the skills to hunt, fish, and grow our food; however, these are not the only lessons learned from a simple man who became a man much sooner than most today ever will. Many of these lessons I think are very fitting for this group. •Treat everyone with respect, even though true respect is earned. • Have enough respect for yourself and others to be presentable when you’re in public. Even if you’re doing something as simple as the grocery store, be cleaned up, put together, and presentable. Even if that just means clean and well mended clothes and brushed hair, be presentable. • Do your best to dress for the occasion. Everyone needs to have the ability to clean up. It’s not about impressing, it’s about respect. • Buy quality items and take care of them. • “Manners maketh the man”. Okay, that’s from “The Kimgsmen”, but he was very set on manners, especially around ladies. I know I'm missing a lot, but these are some of the main things that, I think, society is currently missing, but groups like this are living up to. A couple pictures of Grandpa included.