During the last creativity club I confessed the apathy I've had of late regarding my art. The resulting conversation revealed I had forgotten entirely about how to rest - I also discovered after further reflection that I was no longer grounding myself at the easel, embracing the energetic fields around the work, giving things the space to mature - I was primarily showing up in the studio because I thought that was the central aspect of my job and trying to force feed the paintings. The art became stilted and the sustainability/full circle aspect of my creative process (in expending energy, creating something that in turn invigorated more) was disrupted. I've realized that my job isn't just showing up to make the art - it's tending that flame at the center of it all, and that happens in many ways outside the work space. I've lightened my days the last couple weeks, more time just sitting on the deck or my yoga mat, wandering in the woods, lingering with my books, hopping on my bicycle, just because these things call to me and not thinking about return on investment. I am not forcing what I define as the work part (both the business side of things as well as the creative process), doing the bare minimum computer/maintenance wise. Yesterday a couple things slid into place in an effortless and delightful way (like they used to), I got that familiar partial visual of something super exciting in my head, a third party (stranger to me) unknowingly pointed the way, and today I got a lovely few hours with my paints chasing it down. I'm taking it slow and it feels right. Here's to getting back on track and staying focused on what matters.

this is a painting Im struggling with atm - its 70 x 100 cm & has gone though a few iterations - feels very illustrative to me and tho its a composite of different elements rather than a direct copy it all feels tight, feel a bit teenage book jacket.. I don't hate the sheep. Im still fighting with the background. some eyes on it would be appreciated.

I Love this account, so romantic... but she's got me thinking this morning. She says she just follows something much greater than herself to create. Is this romance? What is the value of removing the power and responsibility from yourself? Does it feel powerful to see yourself as collaborating with a great force as a channel or tool? I see my creativity as coming from my own desire and through my own blood sweat and tears. I explore empowerment, responsibility, stewardship perhaps. I am part of the universe and connected to all, so there is nothing greater than loving and exploring my personal pinpoint of expression. And I'm very curious whenever I feel a rock (like her statement) in my shoe about how someone engages with creativity! I want to find every corner of my inner self and bring it to light. Wield it in my creativity. I think this pebble in my shoe tells me I want credit! I want to shine and be seen and respected. I want to use my skill and mind and heart to create the truest version of my art/self and show the world what I am. I find the way she described her creativity irksome... but I wonder if it would be relaxing to share credit? If it would feel supportive? I've often felt unseen in all of my efforts, in relationship and career. This is all connected. I'm going to use this opportunity to journal with my coffee so I can emotionally timestamp this understanding and keep exploring it.

I would love for everyone to attend, whether you specifically need technical help or not. I want us to bring what we have worked on since last we met. Show, share, get feedback from the club. Here's what I've been working on.

Years ago an artist friend and I gleefully declared ourselves “shapists” and I swear it’s a thing. I can feel my heart swell a bit when I consider shapes and how to explain their value to me. You can think of them simply as the silhouette or outline of something. I began to understand the power of accurately observing them in several layers over time. Perhaps the very first occasion was during a head drawing class. I was a beginner and very enthusiastic. Our supplies consisted of a large pad of smooth newsprint paper clipped to a drawing board, a charcoal pencil sharpened with a razor blade into a fine tapered point like a Chinese lettering brush, and a grey kneaded eraser. The class sat in a semicircle on wooden drawing horses around a raised model stage. Our model posed, lit with a single strong light source for three hours as we attempted to draw her likeness. During a break I walked around the room and observed what the other students had accomplished so far. One student had drawn the model's eyebrow as a shape constructed of many straight lines and not yet filled in with value, an outline. I on the other hand had used the side of my pencil to quickly swipe an arch above her eye. It was such an epiphany to see how much more accurate the likeness was with the their method than with my own. I realize now that I was doing what most beginners do, creating a symbol of what I understood an eyebrow to be, instead of observing what an eyebrow actually consisted of visually. This is when I began to appreciate the benefits of slowing down and observing objectively. It would take many more years of calibrating my observational skills and hand/eye dexterity to be able to get the degree of likeness I found satisfying. Years later while while out plein air painting I observed a tree. I realized that if I could slow down and hone in on each shape of sunlight peeking through the leaves and paint it faithfully.. without thinking “tree” or “light” or “leaves” that I would have a satisfyingly accurate and beautiful representation of what was in front of me. Prior to that I was estimating, abbreviating, rushing the shapes into sameness. The effect was cheap, plastic, and formulaic. That tree with many similar quick dabs of light wasn’t a tree… it was a clumsy cartoon of a tree… a symbol of a tree that was not purposefully designed. Now I will say that when knowledge is gained about the natural forms of the world through years of thoughtful observation and recording, one can create intentional symbols that are very beautiful. But you must learn the truth that is out there to be able to edit and craft your own visual language.