Lately as some of you have heard me on the calls I've been having some difficulties getting embodied and witnessing. I'd say these emotions were tricking me, I was attaching! Confused, scared, no confidence. Inner dialogue was confused, doubtful, and I was attaching to all of it. I had a realization during todays session, got deep down into what I think was a pivotal moment for me. I saw an embarrassed Nick, 5th grade, doing a pretend job interview as part of a class assignment. There were kids parents on campus holding interviews and I chose a construction worker career path because I thought that was the easy way out, no education needed, not much thought or homework required... I thought I would skate through it, and of course I didn't. I didn't even get the job, I failed the assignment! All these emotions set in, and I felt defeated for a long time after that, "I'm not smart enough for college. Oh that requires a degree? I'll pass. I'm too lazy. I should've repeated grade school, my parents are always so frustrated when I ask for help. I shouldn't need this much help." I had dropped the dreams, the intuition, and I watched from the outside. Look at everyone around me so driven, continued education with degrees, I'll just work an easy job that I can tolerate and let my free time be my life, "work to live not live to work". I have settled for far too long! Here's a quote from Pink Floyd, I use to be on the side of the coin that felt that too much time had passed, and that I was too late. Never in my life did I think I would be where I am today. I settled, gave up on too much and tried to absolutely burry that feeling of being too stupid or lazy, distracted or incapable. But I'm feeling reborn at 34, and in control. Time " You are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today. And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun".

https://youtu.be/IY9v3qRnuYE?si=gZgslzMXX6vLwUuf For those of you who have not scene the classic comedy Office Space, this is how the movie starts.

Our community works better when we know who we’re walking with. If you’re new or you’ve been here a while but quiet post a quick intro below. Who you are, where you’re at, and what brought you here. Most men don't reach out for help, this is a small but significant step in announcing you are ready for The Work.

Andrew and I had a great discussion last week about setting goals. How often are we setting goals, big or small and stopping to admire the results when the work is done? Are you telling yourself “if I could just accomplish this, or get to this point I would be satisfied with my work”? Or do you miss that moment and move your “goal posts” again?Chasing something and not taking the time you earned and deserve to admire your hard work. This is different than settling for things in life. Having goals is wonderful, career wise or personal life goals are wonderful, but are you stopping and giving yourself the credit you deserve?

I spent the day in my garage undertaking a pretty intimidating project. Insulating and drywalling my garage, my oldest son (only 2) and I really enjoy playing in there but it's so darn cold! So I took it upon myself to figure out what the hell I need to do in order to make the space habitable. I spend a few hours in my garage today, music and podcasts the entire time and when I finished all I could think about was my Uncle Michael... My Uncle has early onset Alzheimer's Disease and has had it since 2020. I've spent a lot more time as a caretaker for him since I found out but through this Work discovered exposing myself to caretaking for a loved one is more than I can handle. Once I finished today, and completely exhausted and sweaty, I just stared in admiration and cried, thinking of only my Uncle because of work ethic he taught me... knowing that if he was still of sound mind he would have loved to have helped me today. In the moment I really thought I had released the emotion, and was listening and present, but the rest of the afternoon was effected by that moment. I knew it, could feel it, didn't really know they "why" just that there was Work to do. It brought me back to Michael, I feel I was attaching to some of the emotion thinking I could keep a piece of him still alive and well and of sound mind. But I was able to release it, and let it go as powerful as it was I had to sit with that emotion witnessing for 10-15 minutes it felt. *Sharing my hard work because I AM proud of it! More not pictured, but you get the idea.