Ivana, reading this I don’t see a “mess,” I see a heart that loves so much it’s blaming itself for everything it couldn’t control. The tears make sense, your body finally feels safe enough to let old grief thaw. That’s not regression, that’s healing doing its job. You are not powerful enough to single-handedly ruin anyone’s health; you were one nervous system trying to survive inside a stressed family field. You’ve already moved toward repair, that’s huge. The same warmth and forgiveness you’re longing for from others is exactly what your own body is asking for now. If you can’t “forgive yourself” yet, maybe just start with this: “I was doing the best I could with what I knew then, and I’m choosing differently now.” From here, you don’t look like the villain of the story. You look like someone brave enough to feel it all and still choose to heal again. 💛