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5 contributions to Mental Load Basics
Fear: Easter Planning
Last week during our Boring Meeting Alyssa and I talked about her needs coming up with a bridal shower and Easter Magic and planning. I am definitely feeling the fear around following through on delivering the holiday magic ALyssa expects of me and I've been proactive. What are some of the fears that pop up for you guys either when you are taking on the mental load of something your partner historically owns, or something you are delegating yourself?
1 like • Sep '25
Dont fear. Fear brings u manifestation… LIVE LIKE ULL DO GREAT! Live as if u already smashed that task and rocked it and you will
EW 6/7
Anger - that we continue to have the cyclical fight Shame- that I forgot to fully clean the kitchen tonight Guilt- that I need to sit in the other room while my wife cleans the kitchen as she doesn’t want me in her space. Sad- that my wife feels Like I don’t care about her when I do things like this. Fear - that I keep hitting this cycle Hurt- that my wife thinks of me as a child Lonely- sitting in the other room while she does the job I was supposed to do Joy- the family had a fun day looking at cars.
0 likes • Sep '25
It seems you two should sit down and talk together and figure out the root cause and which side the issues are coming from and why. Im assuming u have watched the contact on TT or you probably would not be here in skool. So you have watched and understood the otherside or tried to implement what you have seen and or learned. So if your wife mentions these things, you can get an idea if the feelings can be fixed in both ends, or if either of you are burnt out and stuck in views you cannot change of the other. Are the feelings justified by stepping in the others shoes? Or is it simply either of your actions not good enough for the other anymore. Its hard, very hard to repair, but possible. The changes have to come from both ends. Neither of you should remain just unhappy and neither of you need to deal OR FEEL with constantly being put down or feeling worthless. Hope this helps! <3
Breakthrough: Mom Shame
Yesterday I had a long convo with Alyssa, she discovered that she had been slowly feeling a “smoldering” anger towards me… for a long time. I knew there were a lot of moments when she seemed more angry than I would expect, and I often aim to assume and look for where I can take accountability, sometimes I can assume a lot some is a little harder. The other night she needed some space, she needed alone time, no hesitation, I took over the rest of the night, luckily things went smooth which is not 100% of the time. That night she said she still felt that smoldering anger but actually had no where to direct it towards me yet her anger felt aimed at me. It forced her to be introspective as she had no reason for me seamlessly taking over. She concluded after a multi day consideration, that she was FEELING 2nd hand anger, covering up her shame. She felt shame that she wasn’t doing enough because that night I successfully did it all, cooked, cleaned, bathtime, bed time routine. When I was doing the work it took away her ability/cultural-training that she should be a martyr. This gave me hope as I often think I’m doing everything I can, to be an equal partner, and still often feel so short. It was such a win to know that some times her own culturally inflicted shame was the cause. I don’t expect her to no flip a switch and notice everytime she is in a shame-based anger. But we talked about what I can do to help her be aware. She encouraged: “Is there something happening for you?” Which gives her some safe space to share emotions if they are there or if I’m grasping at a misperception.
2 likes • Sep '25
I think its amazing you both came to a positive outcome enduring a situation like this. :) Even tho your not required to help anyone with their own feelings and pin point any issues someone else is having internally, you guys can think outside the box to really help each other. Those are some strong marriage qualities that people NEVER MASTER within, let alone for eachother nor recognize could be an issue for their partner. Im not gunna lie, at first I thought this was off the wall, being targeted unjustifiably for someones internal emotions. Thinking a partner deserves to feel the wrong end for the root cause is of someone elses feelings . But thinking about it for a few minutes… its not even about what happened and how it happened … its the fact you guys learned how to help each other in situations like this, because some ppl really cannot pinpoint origin of their own feelings. Sometimes it takes an outside eye or mind, critical thinking, and some strong awareness, understanding, and patience on both ends to make a situation like this become a learning experience for the both parties. You guys operate for both sides, and have genuine understanding and care for eachother and are there to be a lending hand when one is down mentally, physically and emotionally. This is how couples need to think instead of feeling attacked by the other. You guys help each other grow as individuals as well as your marriage and this is some amazing knowledge to pass down. It seems you guys prioritize the other persons wellbeing even in times that would make other couples pick fights and argue. after thinking about it… thats what u do for someone you love and it takes courage to own up to and even talk about to another individual, let alone the opposite side have an understanding and not getting upset. On the other hand, Please do not take this the wrong way. I will say I do feel she should have went to you from the get go A LONGGG time ago if she noticed it awhile ago, and it was building up (and maybe taken a few hrs of alone time instead of multiple days with the specific period your referring to) INSTEAD of pushing you away. It seems it put u both through unnecessary issues internally and externally for a period of time possibly.
What part of the world are you here from?
If you’re open to it I’d love to hear what your family looks like too?
1 like • Sep '25
Indiana.. single mother.. been separated for 3 years … my husband is not a manchild… hes a mommysboy.he hasnt lived with me for 80% of our marriage. Manipulated me into marriage (i knew him and hung out with him quite often for 5 yrs PRIOR to us dating and married) then never showed up because its easier to live with momma because she raises his kids while hes off being a trucker. He ruined every single relationship i had ever time i left him.fed me excuses why he has to wait To move back. He sent me spiraling multiple times so bad i was ready to take my exit last november. Now i too had a spiritual journey and im happy asf and healthy!! Healing all the physical sicknesses his stress caused my body. Nice to meet yall lol
Most Vulnerable Post in the last year: Do Men Need Sex?
If you haven't seen this yet, I recommend giving it a watch • How early habits can shape our understanding of sex and intimacy • The difference between feeling an urge and truly needing physical intimacy • How rethinking these patterns helped foster a deeper connection with my partner • And why challenging long-held beliefs about masculinity and physical need matters
2 likes • Sep '25
Zach…. You are so so brave. You literally did something thats going to help SO SO SO MANY WOMEN… MEN AND MARRIAGES!!! Because EVERYTHING u discussed are VERY REAL THINGS.. VERY VERY VERY REAL.. every scenario you described i have been in and I can guarantee almost every. Single . MARRIAGE goes through all if this.. GUARANTEE. Guarantee. you deserve a metal.. a trophy ..idk .. you made a huge leep in helping both sides. This is important. Thank you. Dont feel ashamed.. do not.. ppl needed this advice.
2 likes • Sep '25
I also love that you called out the manipulation in all these aspects as well. That took some courage. I bet your wife is so proud of you. She’s extremely lucky to have such a supportive husband that understands these things you talk about . Not just this video.. all your topics and videos… you should be on everyones FYP! Because alot of men do all of that and treat their wives like 💩 for having to do of equal work… and were so ridiculed for it….if anyone comments negatively about your video… its because they are guilty of doing what you try to help men understand!!!
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Ashley Ely
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Active 7d ago
Joined Sep 1, 2025
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