So tonight was kind of a tough one. Wife and I were sitting on the porch as we have been for a few weeks, where we just relax and chat. Tonight, the marriage was talked about. She went on about all the things that I’ve done and haven’t in the relationship, that I was or had been a weak man (that hurt), she expressed how she feels about us. She said that there were things that she couldn’t get over and can’t get past and that the separation was still going to happen. I took accountability for it, I let her vent. I stayed calm and grounded although it was hard to hear how I’ve made her feel. I told her that I’d be ok with her decision and that I’d still fight for what I wanted and that’s for our marriage, that no matter the outcome I’d still continue to grow into the man I am becoming. I’m trying to decipher if it was a “test”. She mentioned that she’s seen me walking around with my shirt off and flexing and that I was doing it to try to impress her. She went on to say that none of that matters to her, the changes in behavior that I’ve made, etc etc doesn’t make a damn anymore, that the change is to late. I responded that I wasn’t doing it for her, it’s for me, I’m gaining my confidence back, that’s why I’m walking around with my shirt off, I’m putting in the effort and I’m happy with my progress from working out physically and working out mentally. As I sit here, I’m trying not to focus on the outcome of a separation and that she truly doesn’t want this relationship any longer. It’s hard!! I’m telling myself it was a test, that she wouldn’t be saying that I’m the same if she hasn’t noticed change to see if I react. Maybe I am making her curious…..

A lot of men in separation are stuck in three traps. And unless you see these clearly… you stay stuck in the same loop. Trap 1: Blaming her “She’s changed.”“She’s cold.”“She’s the one who’s given up.” Sometimes that feels true. But it leaves you powerless. Because everything depends on her changing. Trap 2: The 50/50 mindset “We both made mistakes.” On paper, that sounds fair. But in practice… it keeps you waiting. Waiting for her to meet you halfway. Waiting for her to do her part. And right now, she’s emotionally out. So nothing moves. Trap 3: Beating yourself up “I’ve ruined everything.”“This is all my fault.” This looks like responsibility. But it isn’t. It just collapses you. And a man who’s collapsed… can’t lead anything forward. So the shift isn’t blame. And it’s not self-blame either. It’s ownership. Taking full responsibility for your side of the marriage… without losing yourself in it. Without defensiveness.Without excuses.Without waiting. Because this is the reality most men have to face: Relationships may be 50/50. But leadership isn’t. And when your wife has checked out… someone has to go first. That’s where the dynamic starts to change. Not when you convince her. Not when you get the perfect words. But when you stop focusing on her… and start leading yourself properly. That’s what we’re breaking down this week inside the training The Ownership Shift. And why it changes everything.

Hi all, I'm really pleased to announce that I will be going live to do bite size weekly training here in the Skool community to help men working to save or improve their marriages. Starting Thursday 19th March at 5pm GMT (that's currently 1pm Eastern due to the daylight saving time change). I'll be taking you through the core pillars you need to implement to start leading your marriages back towards connection and reconciliation. I'm also open to answering specific questions or challenges you are facing so please make requests here. The training can be accessed via the Calendar at the top of the page. Recordings will be saved and available here if you miss them, but if you can, please join me live so you can ask questions and interact via the chat. My apologies things have been slow on here in our free Marriage Recovery Community the past few weeks. I've been working hard to build an office in my garden to give me space to grow and develop my content, meet more men working to save their marriage and to serve the men in my paid coaching community. I am pleased to see new members joining in spite of our slow start though. Thanks everyone for bearing with us and sticking around and I'm pleased to be kicking this off properly now!

I’m currently reading the book by Jeff borkoski. It’s called better man better marriage. I’m hoping it gives me the instinct to be a natural leader in my marriage. Mark recommended this book on one of his posts on tik tok. Has anyone else read it or have any other suggestions on how to adapt yourself to being a more naturally reliable husband

Welcome everyone. If you’re here, chances are something in your marriage doesn’t feel right. Maybe your wife has pulled away. Maybe she’s talking about separation or divorce. Maybe you’re still living together for the kids but feel like strangers. Maybe you’re barely communicating at all and don’t know what to do next. First thing I want you to know: you’re not weak for being here. Most men don’t reach out until the pain gets loud enough. And for many of us, this is one of the hardest seasons we’ve ever faced. This community exists for one reason:to help men stop destructive patterns, steady themselves, and begin leading differently when their marriage is under threat. This is not a place for wife-bashing, venting, or looking for shortcuts. It's also not therapy, and it’s not a complete coaching program. What it is is a grounded space where men can slow down, get perspective, and learn how to stop making things worse while they work out their next steps. I’ll be present here. I’ll answer questions where I can and I’ll share longer-form free training to help you regulate yourself, handle separation more skillfully, and regain clarity and direction. The focus is always on practical shifts that help you show up calmer, steadier, and more grounded. Many of the men here are dealing with guilt, regret, fear, and uncertainty. Losing daily life with your kids. Losing the woman you love. Feeling like everything you built is slipping away. You don’t need to have it all figured out to be here. All I ask is that you come with honesty, respect, and a willingness to take responsibility for your part of the marriage. To get started, introduce yourself in a post and share: - Where you’re at right now in your marriage - Whether you’re separated, living together, or in limbo - What you’re finding hardest at the moment - What kind of support or clarity you’re hoping for - You don’t need to tell your whole life story. Just enough so we know you’re here and what you’re carrying.