I am choosing the path of a grounded seeker

Most call me Burr and I live in Arizona, for 8 years now. I guess to put it lightly, I have been on a journey to find myself again after a "season of loss" I used to have a big social and work life. I had family and friends, 2 jobs, a vehicle and more. Materialistically, I don't give a crap. But I was so KNOWN that I knew myself more because of it. When COVID swept through, complications from the treatment took my DaddyO from me and I lost my entire mind. I had a breakdown of the mind and the body. I relapsed on horrible things I had been clean from almost a decade and I was almost dead not even a year after my dad died. I haven't been the same since. I have trouble speaking, spelling, controlling my anger, leaving the house and more. But it just kept going. 6 people in 3.5 years. Ending with my mother, just 9 months ago, leaving me with not a single blood relative on this planet anymore. I need to find purpose. I need to find light. I need to find the young woman in me they use to call Sunshine and I feel I've exhausted all places and options with nothing new being found. I like all foods. And my hobbies... Not sure much anymore besides music and writing, hanging with my dogs and my little boy who saved my life, he's 18 months old and wasn't expected at all. Thank the universe he showed up. I'm just happy to be here today folks.