The Biological Reset · 11 Marriage

The Biological Reset

A quick peck on the cheek on your way out the door is just a polite habit.

Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that a 6-second kiss is long enough to change the biochemistry of your relationship. It is an intentional pause that signals you are still partners.

But if that feels like a "movie kiss," or if you are in a season of distance, a 6-second kiss might feel like too far of a bridge to cross today.

If so, there is an alternative: The 20-second hug.

Research shows that embracing for 20 seconds or more releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and lowers your heart rate. It physically forces your nervous systems to calm down and co-regulate.

Assignment: Choose your reset today. A 6-second kiss or a 20-second hug. Stay in it long enough to feel the tension leave your shoulders.

Pro tip: Don’t make it weird by counting out loud. (Ask how we know...) 😂

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