After having a terrible weekend and days of crying. I have gotten myself back together a little bit. I have been having issues with my partner. Every month there is a new crisis and a new emergency. I always helped and done things but I reached my end. They weren’t able to pay for their light bill so their electricity got turned off last weekend.
May 29th was my birthday. I normally treat my birthday as a regular day. I’ve had years of bday disappointments and upsets. So I stopped planning things for it. Last year my friend group exploded. This year my partner didn’t even bother to plan anything for me. They are so consumed in their next crisis they forgot. And it been like that for a few months now. They are so distracted with all the stuff going on in their life that I had taken a backseat.
I have tried to help, try to organize, and try to do what I can but a new problem is always on the horizon. They don’t make the best decisions. I learn this is just a pattern of behavior they have been doing for years. I realized I don’t have a future with them which hurts. But also I’m losing my sanity. My codependency issues are in full swing. I recently came back down to earth after my bday and being so hurt.
So I’m slowly pulling back. I have been doing little things to break our codependency bond. But this season is pulling back even more. I have to refocus on me and take care of me. Since they don’t have the ability to. I have to stop relying on others to take care of me especially people who can barely take care of themselves.
This hurts having to do this again. This one of my deepest codependency relationship pattern. Dating people who are unstable emotionally, mentally, physically, and have issues with choosing themselves. I can’t care about their problems more than they do. And I can’t love them out of the instability they have. This truly sucks because they are an amazing person.