There’s a room inside you with no windows and no clock. Everything that has ever happened to you is in that room. Not as memory — as event. Still occurring. The humiliation from when you were nine. The relationship that ended three years ago. The moment your father looked at you a certain way. All of it happening simultaneously, right now, in a space that exists outside of the concept of THE PAST. This is your subconscious. And it is running you. Most men approach their inner life as if it were a logical problem. With a little work they begin to understand the pattern intellectually. They can name the wound, trace it back to the source, explain the mechanism with impressive precision. And then they go and run the pattern again. Because understanding is a conscious act. And the conscious mind is not where the program lives. The subconscious doesn’t speak in language. It speaks in symbol, image, feeling. In story. It doesn’t know the difference between something that happened and something vividly imagined. (Perhaps from this you see why media control is so important for propaganda.) It doesn’t distinguish past from present. It processes everything as now. This is why trauma is so PERSISTENT. The event isn’t a memory in there — it’s an ongoing reality. The nervous system is still braced for an impact that landed decades ago. The body is protecting you from something that, in real time, no longer exists. And here’s where it gets interesting. If the subconscious can’t distinguish real from vividly imagined — if it has no clock, no tense, no hierarchy of real versus symbolic — then the same mechanism that makes trauma persist is also the mechanism you can use to rewrite it. This is what Jung called ACTIVE IMAGINATION. Not visualisation in the watered-down sense of picturing your goals on a vision board. Something more serious. You enter a liminal state — between waking and sleep, between conscious control and unconscious drift — and you allow the figures of your inner world to appear. The shadow. The inner critic. The part of you that was never allowed to exist. And instead of watching passively, you engage. You dialogue. You bring conscious intention into direct contact with unconscious material.

Scarcity or abundance

My toxic stripper ex tried to come back the other day. I had a coffee with her and it was quite a mess. The next day she was sending me AI generated wedding pictures of us and for a moment I considered letting her back in, but her behaviour was still just as bad as it ever was. Which is another level of insane. So I blocked and erased her. She calls every day from withheld numbers and is lurking around the area trying to get me to take her back. Looking forward to leaving this place. Been a bit messy so I have slowed down on the content rhythm for a few days after 8 weeks of near daily tests. Will get back to posting more soon, in planning and thinking mode at the moment.

Be super careful what media you’re consuming. Modern content is so laden with nice guy messaging that it will break your mind. Rewatch some classics instead of modern propaganda.