8d • General discussion
New Video Series: "The Old becomes New" -- Part 5: An Old Life
Full Video Here! https://youtu.be/TeT8R9WBNj0
Captions below!
First Segment -
All my life I had been living in fear, and it consumed my life.
Fear filled my heart, consumed, and killed all that I loved in life
As a child, I loved math and science. I loved them so much that in high school, I pursued higher maths and sciences, but, as I pursued and continued to grow in them, eventually, I started becoming fearful that I wouldnt be able to maintain the level that I was at. I was fearful that I wouldnt be able to keep up.
So I quit
As a child, I loved playing piano. I loved playing so much that I kept pursuing to increase my skills, so much so that I was even able to play on stage in front of crowds. But eventually, I too became fearful that I wouldnt be able to maintain the level that I was at. I was fearful that I wouldnt be able to keep up
So I quit
In college, my first career choice was to become a lawyer, but after taking my first class, I became fearful that I wouldnt be able to keep up.
So I quit
I changed course to politics, pursuant in becoming a politician, but after taking my first class, I became fearful I wouldnt be able to keep up.
So I quit
Math, science, piano, law, politics. These were all the things I loved, but there was one I loved more than anything else -- Basketball
Second Segment -
Basketball was my dream. From 3rd grade on, you couldn’t pull me from the court. At after-care I’d rush homework just to grab a ball from the game closet. I played for hours every day—late nights in the backyard, quiet dribbling, trashcans as defenders.
In high school I chased Varsity. Tryouts were intense, but I loved the challenge. I barely made the team—slot #13—but I played all four years and grew more each season. Eventually I dreamed of going pro.
At Penn State Mont Alto, I trained 6–8 hours a day, including preseason with the team. I loved it—but then fear touched it. Just 0.1%. A tiny nervousness that I might not keep up. A leak left unchecked.
That fear spread. Soon I worried I couldn’t afford the university. I convinced myself leaving was the “right” choice. But the Lord reveals the truth:
Proverbs 21:2
“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts.”
In my eyes, finances were the reason. But in my heart, it was fear. And God shows why He examines the heart:
Proverbs 16:9
“A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.”
Whatever is in the heart becomes our path. And the Lord tells us how to walk rightly:
Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
I didn’t acknowledge what was truly in my heart. I leaned on my own understanding. The worst part?
2 Timothy 1:7
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
The fear wasn’t from God—I accepted it. And instead of giving it to Him, I carried it.
Psalm 55:22
“Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”
1 Peter 5:7
“casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you.”
Had I cast my fear on Him, He would have sustained me. But I didn’t. I left the university—and in a way, I stepped away from trusting the Lord in basketball. That 0.1% of fear grew that day… yet I still wanted to chase the dream.
Third Segment -
After leaving Penn State, I went to different colleges, still training 6–8 hours a day. But fear followed me. I told myself I was looking for the “best fit,” but the truth was the same fear as before—fear I wouldn’t be able to keep up. A leak left unchecked.
I actually could’ve played at every college, but fear whispered, “What if you succeed? Can you maintain it?” With every fear-based decision, that 0.1% grew. Eventually I believed college basketball was out of reach. It wasn’t—but fear blinds you to truth and makes you live in lies.
So instead of pursuing college ball, I jumped from basketball clinic to clinic, hoping for a semi-pro path. But none were what I expected, and discouragement grew. My mom always said, “Keep moving forward,” so I did—but unknowingly in a circle. Every point on a circle is “forward” from the last, but you never get anywhere.
I then trained nearly a year for the National G-League tryout. The experience was great—but I wasn’t truly ready, physically or mentally. I didn’t hear back. Why? The same answer as always: fear. Fear kept me from fully preparing, not just for the G-League but for every clinic.
When I didn’t hear back, bitterness grew. I blamed the clinics, the people—but deep down I knew the truth: I had sabotaged myself. Fear created the very reality I dreaded. Fear → sabotage → unpreparedness → more fear. Around and around I went.
Even then, I still chased the dream. But blow after blow, year after year, discouragement built until one day my dream was simply… gone. Like waking from sleep without knowing how long you were out. Like slowly loosening your grip on something until it slips away without you noticing. One day I realized basketball was no longer in my life.
That was the day fear had its way.
It filled my heart, consumed everything I loved. And from then on, it didn’t matter what I pursued—I’d go 75% of the way, get fearful, walk away, start something new, and repeat.
My career in Health and Fitness? Rooted in fear.
My relationship with the Lord? Suffered because of fear.
Anything that brought joy or interest—fear invaded, and I let it.
And that is why I thank the Lord so deeply for His patience with me.
Fourth Segment -
In spite of all my fear, cycles, and sins, the Lord was still there for me. Look at what the Lord says:
Isaiah 43:18-19
“Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”
I am a living testimony that the Lord IS faithful to His word. He did do a new thing; it has sprung forth, and He made me know it. He brought me out of my old garden into His new one. He gave me a new seed—FAITH—and helped it grow. Every time I went to Him, made decisions in faith, and acted in faith, He provided something beautiful.
He provided my relationship with Him.
He provided my relationship with my wife.
He provided a career I truly love.
Without the Lord, I’d have none of it.
For my relationship with Him, I asked to grow closer—and He did, more than I imagined.
For my relationship with my wife, I asked in high school for the Lord to show me who He wanted me with. The next day I saw Samantha. We’ve been together 16 years, married 6, and our relationship has grown only by His help.
For my career, after nearly a decade in Health and Fitness, I said, “Lord, something is missing.” He led me to write a list of everything I enjoyed. Then He reminded me of His word:
2nd Corinthians 4:18
“While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”
Everything on my list—basketball, movies, math, science, engineering, piano—was something seen. The unseen thread was creativity. Then the Lord showed me another unseen thing: fear. I quit everything I loved because of fear. Then He asked me to imagine each item as a “world” with no fear. Instantly I chose movies. The breadcrumbs were everywhere: acting out movies as a kid, loving theater and acting classes.
The Lord cleared the fog of fear so I could finally see the path: acting.
One month after deciding to pursue it, I got my first acting gig—with no experience. That was all the Lord.
I’ve been acting ever since and loving every bit of it.
Fifth Segment -
You would think that when the Lord asked me, “Which world would you want to live in?”, I would’ve said basketball. It was my first love, so why wasn’t it my answer? It shocked me too. A short time after choosing acting, the Lord helped me realize that I didn’t choose basketball—and it was all part of His plan.
Listen to what the Lord says:
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
The Lord has plans of peace for us. But He’s not the only one planning:
Genesis 50:20
“But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.”
The Lord plans peace, but the enemy plans evil. The Lord knew I loved acting more than basketball—even when I didn’t. He knew the enemy would attack everything I loved and fill my ears with fear and doubt until that fear consumed what I enjoyed.
Because the Lord knew fear would consume my loves during my younger years, He hid my greater love—acting—so it wouldn’t be destroyed the way basketball was. He waited until the right time, a time of faith, to reveal it to me. What the enemy meant for evil, the Lord used for good. The enemy consumed my love for basketball, but the Lord used that to teach me what not to do: don’t let fear consume the love He gives me.
Every time I went to the Lord, chose in faith, and acted in faith, He provided something beautiful.
It is because of the Lord that I have my relationship with Him.
It is because of the Lord that I have my wife.
It is because of the Lord that I do acting, which I love.
It is because of the Lord that I have faith at all.
I called upon the Lord, trusted Him, walked with Him, and He took my old spirit of fear and gave me a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. He filled me with His love.
It is because of the Lord that I love the Lord
So, what was that old seed?
You guessed it—fear.
But it doesn't end there
Sixth Segment -
Remember Isaiah 43:18-19?
Isaiah 43:18-19
“Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”
The Lord truly did a new thing in me. He brought me into His new land, gave me a new seed—a seed of faith—helped me water it, and a new tree of faith sprang forth. From this tree came everything He gave me: my relationship with Him, my wife, and acting. The Lord made each of these things clear to me.
Revelation 21:5
“And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.”
The Lord made a way out of my wilderness—my old land of fear. He heard me, came to me, and showed me the way because He is the way.
John 14:6
“Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”
He also made rivers in my desert. He led me out of fear and gave me everlasting water for the journey.
John 4:14
“But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”
Psalm 23:1-2
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.”
The Lord helped me no longer remember the former thing—fear. He taught me about my fear so I would no longer live by it. He relieved me of that life and restored me.
Psalm 23:3
“He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.”
The Lord stayed faithful. The Lord is faithful. But it didn’t end there. There was still one part of Isaiah 43:18-19 we hadn’t gone through yet:
Isaiah 43:18-19
“Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old…”
Fear was my former thing. Now it was time to learn my “things of old”—everything that sprang from my seed of fear—so that I would neither remember nor consider those things of old.
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New Video Series: "The Old becomes New" -- Part 5: An Old Life
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