Lessons from a childhood Bully
Back in the early 1980s, when I was a student at Primary School, I had to face something many children still deal with today, a school bully.
He had been making life difficult not only for me but for many others for quite some time.
At that stage, I had just begun learning martial arts. I was a quiet boy, and martial arts gave me a sense of strength and confidence. But in those days, martial arts wasn’t common. For most people, it was something they associated with Bruce Lee movies. When the bully found out I was training, I became his new target.
The physical training helped me enormously. I felt stronger, more self-assured, and capable of standing tall. What I didn’t yet understand, being only eight or nine years old, was how to apply those skills on a mental and emotional level. The bully, on the other hand, was a seasoned pro. He knew how to intimidate and manipulate, and he thrived on fear.
Later, I learned that his aggression came from his own suffering. He was beaten by his father and grew up without much love or care. When I realised this, I felt two things at once. On the one hand, I thought he was an absolute menace who needed to be dealt with. On the other, a quieter voice inside me urged compassion.
That experience taught me something I’ve carried into my martial arts journey and teaching ever since:
strength without compassion can harden the heart, but compassion without strength can leave you powerless.
True martial arts and true self defence requires both
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Quintin Derham
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Lessons from a childhood Bully
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