https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8f53jeH/ Keeping Up With The Kardoughshians: Sourdough Edition 🫙🍞 Episode 3: The Venom Stage If you know, you KNOW 😂 #sourdough #sourdoughstarter #bakingtok #homesteadtok #fermentation #startertok #fyp

I just downloaded this app and have no clue what I'm doing yet but I promise you.... I'm going to learn! Any tips would be much appreciated I am a full blown newbie

🫙✨ Day 3 of the 1:1:1 method and we have officially entered the sourdough multiverse. ✨🫙 Dough-nald Trump will be making bread great again before we know it! 😂 If you’re watching my starter and thinking: “Ma’am… that jar looks like it belongs in a Marvel movie” First of all: you’re correct. Second of all: WELCOME TO THE MULTIVERSE. 😂 We are officially in the Venom stage. It smells questionable. It looks… alive. It’s not dry. It’s not runny. It’s giving symbiote energy. And before anyone panics in my comments about: 👉 “You’re underfeeding it” 👉 “You need to weigh it in grams” 👉 “You have to discard half” 👉 “My cousin’s neighbor’s baker said—” Let me explain in normal human language: Right now this jar is a bacterial battle royale. The stink = bad bacteria dying. The gross = good yeast moving in. That’s why days 3–5 are: Funky Ugly Concerning Emotionally challenging 😭 And that is EXACTLY what it’s supposed to do. We are doing a tiny, no-waste starter, so yes — we’re feeding: 🥄 1 tbsp flour 🥄 1 tbsp water Because we’re not feeding a horse. We’re growing a culture. You don’t need a scale. You don’t need to throw half away. You don’t need to summon the sourdough elders. You just need: ✔️ Thick pancake batter consistency ✔️ Patience ✔️ Emotional strength for the smell In a day or two it might look “dead”. It’s not. It’s just evolving into its final form. 😈🍞 Trust the process. Trust the jar. Trust the multiverse. More updates soon before it crawls out and asks for a social security number.

People think baking is just “throw some stuff in a bowl and vibe.” No. No, Susan. This is a full-contact sport. Non-bakers don’t realize: • Dishes will somehow triple. You used one bowl. Now the sink is a crime scene. • “Rest time” doesn’t mean you rest. It means you stare at dough like a worried Victorian mother. • The kitchen goes from clean to war zone in 12 minutes. • Flour will end up places flour has no business being. • You will question all your life choices at least once per bake. • One tiny mistake means you’re emotionally attached to a loaf that might be trash. Here’s the part nobody tells you (this is the gold 👇): 👉 Temperature matters more than ingredients. Your yeast, your butter, your eggs, your room, your oven — all of it affects the final result. Cold kitchen? Slow rise. Too hot? Overproofed, collapsed dough. That’s why the same recipe can work one day and fail the next. Baking isn’t just following a recipe. It’s learning to read the dough. Also: baking is 10% skill, 20% math, and 70% vibes and prayer. But when it works? When that bread comes out perfect? Suddenly you forget the chaos, the mess, the emotional trauma… and you do it all again tomorrow. If you know, you know. 😌🍞

🍎 Listen. I am not saying I’m better than everyone… but when I bring this pie, people LOSE THEIR MINDS. 🤣 Important disclaimer: This is NOT my personal recipe. I did not invent it. I did not discover it in the woods. I did not pass it down for 7 generations. BUT. I did make it. Many times. And I did get told over and over: 👉 “This is the best apple pie I’ve ever had.” So now it’s my official go-to, make-people-fall-in-love-with-me pie. If you want a pie that is: ✅ Not watery ✅ Not dry ✅ Not bland ✅ Not giving “sad cafeteria pie” energy This is THE one. 🛒 Stuff You Need 1 double pie crust (homemade if you’re feeling productive, store-bought if you’re tired and emotionally fragile) 2¼ lbs apples (about 6–7 apples), peeled, cored, thinly sliced (about 7 cups) Granny Smith is classic, or mix with Honeycrisp / Golden Delicious 1½ teaspoons cinnamon 8 tablespoons butter 3 tablespoons flour ¼ cup water 1 cup sugar Egg wash: 1 egg 1 tablespoon water 👩‍🍳 How We Make the Magic Happen 1. Deal With the Crust Make or unroll your pie crust. Split into two discs. Pretend you’re a Food Network contestant. Preheat oven to 425°F (220°C). 2. The Secret Sauce (Literally) This is what makes people think you’re a baking genius. Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Whisk in the flour. Cook for 1 minute. Add water and sugar. Let it simmer for about 3 minutes until slightly thickened. Remove from heat and admire your life choices. 3. Apple Business Peel, core, and slice apples about ¼ inch thick. Throw them in a big bowl. Add cinnamon. Toss them like you’re in a cooking montage. Pour the warm sauce over them and mix until everything is coated and glossy and beautiful. 4. Assemble the Masterpiece Roll out bottom crust to about 12 inches. Put it in a 9-inch pie dish. Add apple mixture, pile it a little higher in the middle like a pie mountain. Roll out top crust to about 11 inches. Either: Do a lattice top if you’re feeling fancy and stable Or lay it on whole and cut slits if you’re like me most days