The Timeline Is the Reason Or, Why Asking Seniors “Where Are You Going?” in November Isn’t Possible (Yet)
Nov 24
Every Thanksgiving, right around the moment someone pulls out the good tablecloth and announces one of three types of potatoes are ready, I tend to want to offer one small public service announcement:
Please don’t ask the teenagers in your life where they’re going to college.
Not because anyone means harm — truly, these questions are asked out of love.
They’re asked because adults are proud, hopeful, curious, and excited about the next stage of a young person’s life.
But there’s a gentle truth we sometimes forget: the question doesn’t match the timeline.
Most seniors simply don’t know yet. And they’re not supposed to.
So let’s pull back the curtain, kindly and clearly, on what this time of year actually looks like for high school students.
Where We Are in the Admissions Cycle
(Hint: Not the “deciding” phase)
To understand why students can’t answer the “Where are you going?” question, it helps to understand where they actually are in the nine-month admissions cycle.
August–November
This is the application phase.
Students are writing, revising, editing, uploading, submitting, organizing, managing recommendations, and meeting waves of early deadlines.
It is full, demanding work — and they are in the thick of it.
November
Most Early Action and Early Decision applications have just been submitted.
A few decisions may come from schools with rolling admissions, but nothing close to a complete picture.
December
Some Early Decision and Early Action results arrive.
For many students, this brings clarity.
For others, it brings more questions.
But it is still far too early to know final options.
January–February
Regular Decision deadlines land.
Students continue writing and submitting.
Most admission decisions have not yet been released.
March
The majority of decisions arrive — often within a two-week window.
This is the moment where the real picture forms.
April
This is when students visit campuses, compare financial aid, talk things through, and discern what feels right.
May 1
This is college decision day — the only moment a student actually chooses.
So when we ask a senior in November, “Where are you going?”
we’re unintentionally asking them to make sense of a process that’s only halfway through.
How the Question (Sometimes)Feels to Students
When adults ask this question, they’re signaling interest:
“I care about your future. I want to celebrate with you.”
Students understand that.
But inside the process, it can feel like being asked to complete a puzzle when half the pieces are still in the box.
Not stressful because the adults are pressuring them — but stressful because the information simply doesn’t exist yet.
And while students want to share, sometimes the gap between what adults assume and where students actually are can feel a little tender.
That’s all.
The good news is that teenagers are full human beings with a thousand interesting things happening in their lives that have nothing to do with admissions portals.
Here are some easy, pressure-free ways to connect:
- What’s something you’ve enjoyed about this school year?
- Has a class or teacher really stood out for you?
- What are you looking forward to this winter?
- What’s a highlight from your fall?
- What’s been fun, surprising, or challenging lately?
These questions open doors to genuine conversation — the kind teens remember.
A Note to Parents & Adults
If you’re worried the conversation will drift into college chatter before your student is ready, you can simply say:
“The process is still in progress — they’ll know much more in the spring. For now, we’re letting them take a break this weekend.”
Warm. Honest. Protective.
No defensiveness needed.
Just a quiet honoring of where they are, and where they’re not — yet.
The Heart of It
Students aren’t hiding anything.
They aren’t behind.
They aren’t avoiding the topic.
They’re simply living inside a long, structured process that doesn’t provide answers on a holiday timeline.
The best gift we can give them — and the people they’re becoming — is space to show up as themselves:
imperfect, evolving, funny, tired, hopeful, and deeply loved right now, not just for wherever they’ll land next.
That’s the whole point.
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The Timeline Is the Reason Or, Why Asking Seniors “Where Are You Going?” in November Isn’t Possible (Yet)
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