Today marks 23 months, which is 701 days since making the call to my māmas work colleagues to stop trying to revive my mother🫶 I walked into the hospital room and my heart dropped, seeing her lifeless , watching my sister begging for her and her friends all in a line trying to save her crying everyone in the room is crying😭 It was the hardest and I often regret and wonder if I made the right call, my mama always told me too long is too long and I knew at that moment she did not want to be saved. Have you experienced the similar heartbreak 💔 do you carry that kind of grief? Do you have babies that you needed to mother while craving for your own mother! Her Tangi (funeral) was a blurr, I couldn't face it I used my babies as the excuse to not sit with her they were only babies, I am her baby and it just felt so surreal. We buried her on Christmas eve and I try find the spirit in it but I was always told that "it's not about the presents it's about the presence, not the gifts around the tree but those people around it" and it hits hard every year. In this community I will continue to share my journey in hope that you too can relate or some what find comfort in the words I speak. I love you mum, I miss you so bloody much