You just have to give it time.” (And other things people say when they don’t understand grief)
When I think about my dad, it still catches me off guard. Sometimes it just overwhelms me—tears will fall from absolutely nowhere, and I have to take a minute just to compose myself. I get angry that he’s not here. And honestly, I get so upset seeing my mum try to navigate life without him. Watching her is like watching someone torn between two worlds: not wanting to carry on without him, but not wanting to not be here. And yet, through all of that, she has been a beacon of light through this darkness. That takes a strength most people will never fully understand. If you’ve lost someone, you probably know exactly what I mean. People love to tell you that “time heals” or that you just need to “move on.” But the truth is, you don’t move on from losing a piece of yourself. You don’t get over it. You are changed by it, forever. When my dad died, my whole world shifted. Through that mess of trying to figure out how to breathe again, I ended up finding what I was meant to do. I became a funeral celebrant to help families say goodbye with the dignity their people deserve. I started making memorial jewellery so people could carry a physical piece of comfort with them. Working with death and bereavement every day—and living with my own—showed me that there is a huge gap in how we handle the “after.” Society expects us to go back to normal once the funeral is over. But that’s exactly when the real, quiet struggle starts. That’s why I built The Grief School. I wanted a place where we don’t have to pretend we’re okay. A place to figure out how to live in this new reality. Right now, we are just getting started, and the doors to the main community are wide open and completely free. It’s a safe, no-pressure space to just be real. No toxic positivity, no timelines. Just people who actually get it, figuring out life after loss together. (Later on, I’ll be launching an optional “Inner Circle” for those who want deeper, guided support and practical tools for the really heavy days. But right now, I just want to build a solid foundation of people who support each other.)