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I reckon Australia Post has pulled off one of the greatest magic tricks in Australian history. You’ll sit at home all day waiting for a parcel like some sort of emotionally neglected Labrador. You won’t shower, you won’t duck to the shops, you’ll practically hold your bladder hostage because you know the second you leave… that’s when they’ll show up. Then your phone pings. Delivery attempted. Attempted where, babe? Because I’ve been home. The dog didn’t bark. The doorbell didn’t ring. The cameras didn’t pick up so much as a leaf blowing past the front gate. Yet somehow you’ve “missed” me. Then, to really rub salt into the wound, my parcel gets sent to a post office that’s apparently located in another postcode and only opens for seven and a half minutes every second Tuesday. The tracking doesn’t help either. “Onboard for delivery.” Brilliant! That could mean it’s five houses away, or doing laps of regional Victoria with a packet of Temu eyelashes, someone’s emotional support protein powder and a pair of Crocs. Then comes the final kick in the guts. “Sorry we missed you.” No you didn’t. You avoided me. At this point I’m convinced those little red “Sorry We Missed You” cards are just being launched out the driver’s window at 60km/h like Ninja Stars.

"You know the big anniversary today, so let’s look at a remarkable, related coincidence that is 200, not 250 years old. John Adams and Thomas Jefferson (presidents number two and three respectively) both died on July 4, 1826, the 50th anniversary of the US’s founding. Adams was 90 and living in Massachusetts. The 83-year-old Jefferson died in Virginia. They had fallen out over both personal and political differences, but reconciled through correspondence. Both men signed the Declaration of Independence and their autographs, papers and personal possessions (even strands of their hair) are very valuable. A unique letter signed by both is due to sell next week and is expected to make over $125,000. These coincidental deaths (and the July 4 demise of fifth president James Monroe in 1831) helped to cement the date as something special, perhaps even magical, in American minds.

I lost a sale today (and quite a good one), because after checking out, the customer didn't like the expected delivery date. This encouraged me to check what the customer is shown when they buy, and I was actually surprised and pleased to see that Ebay quotes "11 to 35 business days" for postage to the USA. Australia Post quotes a somewhat hopeful 15+ business days, so Ebay is more aligned with the real-world scenario. I can't believe that I haven't checked this before, but I know my response to "where's my order" will be different now, and slightly less accommodating, knowing that the buyer was told "11 to 35 business days" for delivery when they checked out.