Oct 15 • Today's 5 minute read
One simple shift helped me stop getting dragged by my emotions.
I kept getting spun up by small stuff—running late, a tense message, plans changing. Then I learned this: most of my pain was the gap between what I expected and what actually happened. That’s it. A mismatch. When I catch that, the feeling loosens.
Now when I get hit with anxiety or anger, I step back and look at the two sides. “What did I expect here?” and “What’s really happening?” Seeing the gap makes me feel bigger than the moment. My brain is just trying to keep me safe, not ruin my day. From there I can adjust one side or the other—soften the expectation a bit, update my story about what it means, or do one small thing I can control right now. The emotion stops driving; I start steering. It’s not magic, but it’s reliable.
Just realizing this expectation and reality gap and noticing and naming the emotion has been proven to reduce the effect of the emotion significantly in seconds by psychologists at UCLA.
Action: Next time you feel upset, do a 60‑second “four-line check” in your notes:
- Line 1: I expected…
- Line 2: What’s happening is…
- Line 3: Because of this expectation and reality mismatch, I am feeling {Emotion_name}
- Line 4: So I am going to change my expectation or see the reality a bit differently so that I can react better to this situation.
2
0 comments
One simple shift helped me stop getting dragged by my emotions.
powered by
skool.com/science-buddha-8320
Let's take control over the feelings of depression/worry/stress and use science to live the happiest life.
Suggested communities
Powered by