Apr 23 • General discussion
Repair is not enough
There’s a pattern quietly destroying relationships…
and most couples don’t even realize they’re in it.
Trigger.
Escalation.
Rupture.
Withdraw.
Half-baked “Repair.”
Over and over again.
I did this too, for years. Because that's what I was told to do.
In fact, I read all the books, listened to the podcasts, and got really, really good at one thing: repair. If something went wrong, I knew how to come back, say the right things, and reconnect.
But over time, repair wasn't enough.
Both our nervous systems began bracing and feeling on guard around each other.
The distance, resentments and mistrust was palpable.
There was less playfulness, spontaneous affection, shared dreams...
We began slowly but surely living parallel lives, punctuated by heated, tense moments.
It took me YEARS to see the way out, but once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it.
And it's this:
<< If you can train your nervous system to hold strong emotions, without being triggered into escalation or shut down, you eliminate the need for repair. >>
Most relationship advice taught me how to repair. Very few showed me how to prevent damage in the first place.
And those are two different skills. One temporarily interrupts the cycle. The other eliminates it.
The truth is, this path is not for everyone.
It requires honesty.
It requires responsibility.
It requires vulnerability.
It requires you to stop blaming everything outside of you.
But the rewards of that work are infinite and multi-generational.
If you’re reading this and you feel this pattern in your own relationship… you’re not broken. You’ve just never been trained in something different.
That’s why I created Untriggered - Nervous System Regulation for Physicians.
For those of us who are tired of being hijacked in the moments that matter.
For the men and women (and non-binary folks) who want to lead with presence, and to becoming safe, grounded, and powerful in their relationships and in their lives.
If that resonates, comment “Info” or send me a message, and I’ll make sure you get the details.
We begin May 15th.
TL;DR: Repair is vital, but not sufficient. You have to learn how not to keep getting triggered into the same old dance.
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Repair is not enough
skool.com/relationshipmastery4physicians
A group for women physicians who want to learn evidence based tools to resolve conflict and restore connection. Run by Dr. Kavetha Sun.
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