4d (edited) • Parent Toolkit
Part 1: What to Do When Your Child Has a Tantrum in Public
Public tantrums can feel overwhelming, especially when you feel watched, judged, or unsure of what to do next. In these moments, your child is not trying to embarrass you; they are overwhelmed and struggling to cope. Let’s break this down into simple steps.
Step 1: Stay Calm (Even If You Don’t Feel Calm)
Your child borrows your nervous system. If you yell, panic, or argue, the tantrum will get bigger.
Instead:
- Lower your voice.
- Keep your words short.
- Don’t lecture.
You can say:
- “I’m here.”
- “When you’re calm, we can talk.”
- "Breathe."
Step 2: Make Sure Everyone Is Safe
If your child:
- Flops to the floor
- Runs
- Hits
- Throws things
Focus on safety first.
Move objects away. Gently block if needed. Move to a quieter spot if possible.
This is not the time to teach lessons.
Step 3: Don’t Give the Tantrum What It Wants
This is the hard part. If the tantrum is for:
- Candy
- A toy
- The iPad
- Leaving the store
And you give it during the tantrum, your child learns:
“Tantrums work.”
Even if you’re exhausted. Even if people are staring. Try not to give in at that moment.
Important: The tantrum might get worse before it gets better. That’s normal.
Step 4: Notice the FIRST Sign of Calm
The second your child:
- Stops screaming
- Takes a breath
- Stands up
- Uses words/speech device
Immediately notice it.
Say:
- “Nice, calming your body.”
- “Thank you for using your words.”
- "Thank you for telling me what you want."
- “That’s better.”
Children repeat what gets attention.
Step 5: Teach Them What To Do (Before the Next Outing)
Tantrums often happen because children don’t know what else to do.
So teach simple replacement phrases at home:
If they want something:
- “Can I have it?” (either verbally or with a speech device)
- “Can I earn it?”
- “Later?”
- "I need help."
If they want a break:
- “Break, please.”
- “All done.”
- “Too loud.”
Practice these when your child is calm. Praise them big when they use the words.
Step 6: Prevent It Before It Starts
Most public tantrums have warning signs.
Ask yourself:
- Were they hungry?
- Tired?
- Overstimulated?
- Transitioning too fast?
Before going into a store, say:
- “We’re buying milk and bread. No toys today.”
- “When we’re done, you can choose a sticker.”
Clear expectations reduce surprises.
After It’s Over: Ask Yourself 3 Simple Questions
- What happened right before the tantrum?
- What did my child want?
- What happened right after?
This helps you understand why it happened.
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Part 1: What to Do When Your Child Has a Tantrum in Public
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